It Wasn't

3| Salmon

Fatimah's POV

I left a sigh.

Knowing myself with a blank space in my head, sighing is the best thing I could do right now... while watching the dark canvas above my head. Because I was originally from where my parents lived, the star was never that much as it was at my high school. I didn't remember since when I last saw the most beautiful night sky, but one thing for sure that I know was that the night sky at my old high school always made me awed. 

The fact that my high school is located in rural areas makes the stars more visible than in the city. Ah... I miss those stars...

Sometimes, I will imagine myself lying on the grassy field at this exact time and looking at the sky. How nice would it be?

...

I look at his wet-soaking, coffee stained work shirt once again. I never -accidentally- did this before, "I'm... SO sorry..." purposely saying 'so' in a 'pointing' tone.

He looked up at me once again, and his lips twitched. Then I saw his eyes closed for a second before he looked at his shirt, "This won't come off easily..."

Why is he making me feel more guilty (because you are). "How about..." -this is probably the worst idea- "I'll wash it for you? I'll give you the way you bought it."

He faces up to me with the look that says, 'Are you serious?'.

It is weird for me to offer that... and I'm not even a fiancé to him, it was more to 'what the heck is wrong with this woman?'. But that is who I am, panic and unthinkable moves made up suddenly. And now, the worst thing that could happen if he agrees with what I 'ridiculously' said, he'll take off his shirt and give it to me and frick, I don't want that. For sake.

And gladly, he shook his head, "No..." and look at me once again, "do it after we marry,"

For sake... no.

...

"Fatimah?" I turned around as I heard my mom call me. She just came out from the door. "What are you doing outside?" 

For the fact, it was night, and I am outside, but not across the gate yet. She sure is a 'worry' mother, and I'm grateful to have this kind of mom. Although sometimes it would be... (Let's skip that). "Nothing," my lips formed into an awkward smile. More likely to say that I have no intention to be happy right now, but I think I should, for my mom.

"Have you prayed your Isha' prayer yet?" 

Oh, yeah... the Isha' fardu has come, "not yet...." I look down for a moment before I look up back to her, "Something noising inside my head"

"What's wrong, dear?" 

"I don't know about tomorrow," I confessed. I don't think there is a need to hide the feeling right now. "Do you think I should?" Accept his proposal?

"Have you done the istikhara prayer, Fatimah?" she asked calmly. 

I shook my head. I knew it should be the first thing that I needed to do when it came to this situation, but... what makes me not do that? I didn't think more about this thing before.

As far as I could say, having no interest in marriage means that I have no effort to even give the proposal answer. Plus, I'm not interested in having my household, making a new family, or even being a wife or having a husband. Achieving my career was my top priority, and when it comes to my plan now, either it will aggravate my future or make my future better. I don't know.

"You should do it. Then we can discuss it,"

"Okay..." I smiled. I hope it helps... remind me about that prayer.