Of Flesh & Blood (Vento Aureo x Reader)

My Red Flags May Be Big But My Boobs Are Bigger

"GO GO GO WHAT THE F UCK." Squalo's voice cracked, slapping the untidy hair of the driver as his fiancé pounced into the stale leather of the backseat. Three gunshots ran in the air, close enough to make their ears ring. A worrisome whirring was all that the car gave them, seemingly unfazed by the chaos around its cheap exterior. (Y/N) groaned, pounding on the dashboard a few times as the engine stalled once more before rolling into a soft rumble. "THEY'RE LITERALLY RIGHT THERE THEY ARE RIGHT THERE-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP." The disgruntled young woman dug her foot into the gas pedal, knocking two gay men back into the seats. Another gunshot burst through their rear window, resulting in a girlish scream from the red head. Tiziano yanked himself to sit up despite the swerves he was forced through, resting his arms to try and get the best possible aim on their attackers. "WHY ARE THEY STILL SHOOTING AT US??"

Tiziano tastefully ignored her question, adding a new one to their polite conversation. "STOP SWERVING WHAT THE SHIT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Yet, despite his kind request, she did not. Because they were still being shot at and fifteen minutes prior he failed to hit a fucking fire extinguisher right in front of him.

"FUCK YOU. DID YOU EVEN PUT THE PACKAGE IN THERE YOU STUPID BI-" The factory behind them erupt into flames, their detonation lighting up one of the random rooms in the building. The shockwave made their tiny car skid, lifted by the back wheels and shoved hard enough to turn. Burnt pasta speckled the ground, raining down on the roof of their little clown car like flecks of hail. They stared at the smoldering building, hearing the chaotic screams of gangsters that tried to flee the pasta factory. (Y/N)'s hand fell to the button for the windshield wiper, clicking it on to push the ash and embers out of the way. "I swear to god if I ever have to do this shit again."

Despite their differences, Tiziano and Squalo nodded in agreement. "Fuck, this boss is hardcore."

The drive back was quiet, less out of respect and more out of their bone tired asses. Their mission was arranged out of the blue, after Fugo picked up a whiff of money laundering by one of the more problematic capos. It was the final straw to a long line of disrespect done by their group, and Giorno was rather brutal in his ways. Unfortunately, at the same time, he happened to learn that the two surviving members of the Unità Speciale were only alive thanks to one of his own members. And based on the past evidence, all signs pointed towards (Y/N). So, on the Don's orders, the three of them would pledge their loyalty by going on a fun little trip, fucking with the bad capo a bit in the don's name, and then tossing the car in the ocean and taking the train back. They really thought it would be easy, but that was also under the impression that they would like each other. And for the most part, they could tolerate one another. But-

"(Y/N)." Squalo's eyes squinted at a mishaped bulge in her pockets. Her response was a dull tone of recognition, and he glanced back at his lover as if to try and confirm, but Tiziano was taking a nap. "(Y/N)."

"What?" Her concentration tore from the road and she glanced at him and then at the blond in the back. "What's up? You forget something? It's gone now y'know. I'm not turning back around."

"No. No, I wanted to ask... Is that... handfuls of pasta... in your pants." His tone was less impressive and more of complete and utter disappointment, but that's because he didn't understand. And despite repeated exposure of her sheer lack of common sense, he still wasn't used to it. There were doubts that he would ever be. Not that she cared.

"Is that... not handfuls of pasta in your pants?" She looked at him, exasperated so much so he almost wondered if it was him that did something wrong. "You mean to tell me you went into a pasta factory, and just didn't take any pasta??"

"Yes, that's what goes on in normal people's brains, you're the weird one here! Tiz! Tiz, wake up and tell her!" His voice roused the drowsy man, pointing at her legs and then made a disgusted expression.