𝐴 𝑃𝐼𝐸𝐶𝐸 𝑂𝐹 𝐶𝐴𝐾𝐸 | ✔︎

𝘗𝘙𝘖𝘓𝘖𝘎𝘜𝘌

(7 years before)

I've come to an understanding over the years-no matter how hard I try, I can't control where my life goes, I do not know the future, all I'm capable of is holding my breath and pushing through all life throws my way,

but we all come to a moment, where we can't hold our breaths any longer, sometimes we need a moment to breathe.

And with each passing moment that I live, the simple task of breathing-living, gets more and more difficult to want to cling to, sometimes it seems easier to just give up.

walking on the cracked sidewalk, listening to cars zooming past me I hold my breath when I near my home, a cold sweat covers me and suddenly the sweater I'm wearing isn't as warm as it was moments before, my fingers tremble as I spot my parents cars parked in the driveway,

your home should be your safe space, it should be the very structure that you can run to when you need to escape, an area that's filled with laughter and memories, the kind that makes you smile and wish you could bask in them a little while longer,

I wasn't lucky enough to live in that kind of fairy tale, I often pray and hope that maybe I'll be blessed, that I'll walk into our house and be met with the smell of warmth and peace, yet each time I'm disappointed to be met with alcohol and cold dread.

walking inside my nose immediately catches the smell of whiskey, I swallow harshly knowing today will be difficult,

"Oh, our greatest disappointment decided to show" my father yells from the living room

Tears threaten to gather in my eyes but I blink them away, I won't let myself be weak, my father constantly reminds me that 'tears are a form of weakness, and the Ricci's aren't weak' so I make sure to be as strong as possible to prevent the hits and punches I will get if I cry,

Every tear is a hit, and every small hit is a reminder of the strength I'm forced to have at such a young age,

I'm constantly wondering, why I was chosen to be in a family that doesn't care about me, that only keeps me as an accessory from time to time for work events, I stay up late at night dreaming of what it would be like to be kissed goodnight and have my parents be proud of me.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a harsh slap to my cheek, my hand immediately flys up to cover the sting that sets in, "be useful for once in your life and clean this mess" mother shouts in my face just before she walks further into the house,

"Okay, I'll just finish the project my teacher assigned for school and do it after," I say gently taking a shallow breath in,

Mother's eyes darken at my words, my eyes catch sight of fast movement at my side and I see father put his drink down and stalk towards me,

"If your mother says to do something you do it then and there" father spits out

"Do you know what happens when you don't listen?" mother speaks lethally, her fingers brush over what I'm sure is a red mark on my cheek,

I'm not able to utter a singular word because the breath gets knocked out of me when my father kicks my feet, dragging me across our floors, harshly with no afterthought. I feel scratches run across my legs from a shattered bottle of some sort of alcohol,

"Wait-please no, I'll clean right now I promise, please" my pleas are ignored by a harsh tug of my hair that has me groaning in pain,

I'm thrown into the dark room I've become accustomed to over the years, its the place my parents lock me in when they want to forget about my existence or because I simply didn't do something right,

my body immediately starts to tremble in the dark, cold room, where not a windows in sight, no source of light or warmth, I feel something crawl up my leg and immediately shriek, cockroaches and terrifying bugs invade this space, from years of it being neglected to be taken care of.

There's dried-up blood all over the floor from numerous hits my parents have given me here, it reeks of pee and blood, since my parents never check on me when they lock me in here, I have no choice but to pee myself like I'm a toddler, it's beyond humiliating,

this used to be a safe room when my parents bought the place, so not only is it soundproof, and windowless, they changed the locks so I can't open it from the inside, it's hidden in the house where my parents often forget about it, so I'll get stuck in here for up to three days at a time when my parents get shit faced drunk and don't remember the night before.

I shrink back into a corner and tremble, I scream as loud as possible, if I'm not allowed to shed a tear, I'll scream to replace the feelings I need to let out.

As hours slowly pass I become numb, my body exhausted from screaming and in pain from pieces of glass in my legs, I'm forced to pick them out one by one with my fingers so they don't get stuck inside my skin when they heal, I hiss in pain with each piece I remove,

My body grows tired and I soon fall asleep in an uncomfortable position on the cold floor, the shattered pieces of glass surrounding me, my body in pain and dried blood covering me, my throat scratchy and heart heavy in the knowledge that I lived another day without being loved, not cared for, nor protected.

Someone once told me when I was a little girl that life is like a piece of cake, but what I think they forgot to mention was that I'd find poison in mine-after I had consumed the whole thing.

Authors Notes:

Here's a little teaser/sneak peak to the first rewritten chapter in this book, (I don't know when I'll have time to rewrite more then the few chapters I have, but I'll try!)

I want to remind people that the rewritten version still won't be perfect, I'm only rewriting it to add things in I wish I had before, remove unnecessary content, and also just make it something I'm a tad bit more proud of.

The new rewritten version will have:
~New chapters that weren't written before.
~most likely a few more scenes and a better look into the 'mafia' aspect of the book.
~there will be things in the book that will be handled differently than in the first version.
~will be way darker in certain aspects
~I'm also open to suggestions of things you want to see so fill free to comment here!

Please don't forget to vote and comment (one...I adore reading comments and two..the votes really help!)

Word count: 1216