Dear You // LipSoul

jinsoul's reading privileges revoked

"...What?"

"I said," Jungeun is glaring at her now. It's still slightly cute, because she's not very intimidating in pigtails. "Why is my diary in your room?"

That's Jungeun's diary.

Jinsoul gulps.
"I'm trying hard to hide my feelings, I don't want to mess things up between us."
"Probably cause I've had a crush on you for forever."
"People think I'm dating you. It hurts to correct them, but it hurts even more when you laugh it off like it's just some joke."
"I love you so much. I'll be the only one who ever knows."

It's Jungeun's diary.

"It's yours?" Jinsoul asks faintly.

"Yes," Jungeun looks embarrassed now too. "I threw it away weeks ago,"

"I..." Jinsoul looks down. "So you're the one who wrote all that stuff?"

Jungeun's jaw clenches and feels her heart drop. Jinsoul must've read her entries, must've realized Jungeun's feelings, and said nothing. She'd strung Jungeun along like it was some sort of game while pretending to know nothing. Jungeun had never wanted anyone to read that journal, she'd thrown it away because she herself couldn't stand to look at it. She'd poured her heart into the writing, finally confessing the way she'd been feeling for her friend because bottling it up had been indescribably painful. She'd never told a single soul and she intended to keep it that way. Sooyoung could figure it out, Jiwoo could give her that knowing look whenever Jinsoul was around. But Jinsoul knowing...it's too much.

Her brain conjured up images of Jinsoul reading it and laughing, cringing, disgusted by the way Jungeun thought of her. Rolling her eyes when Jungeun read into the affection or lamented about her feelings. Jungeun feels like her heart is cracking.

"You read it?" Jungeun asks quietly.

"Jungeun, I-"

"You took something that was mine, and you violated my trust?" Jungeun is louder now, trying to overpower her upcoming tears with anger. Jinsoul steps back and she looks lost, but all Jungeun can do is remember parts of her writing and want to die. She honestly feels like her soul has been stripped bare in front of Jinsoul and she's never been more vulnerable. She wants to disappear.

"I didn't know," Jinsoul offers weakly.

"How long have you had it?" Jungeun demands. "Have you read it all?"

"All the parts that aren't blacked out," Jinsoul tells her with a soft voice. "And...a couple weeks,"

"Weeks?!?" Jungeun cannot believe her. "Weeks, and you carried on like everything was normal?"

"Are you not hearing me? I didn't know it was you!"

Jungeun's not hearing her, clearly, and it hurts to see the tears beginning to glaze over her eyes. "You saw my hurting and you were fine with letting it happen," She runs a hand through her hair. "God...Jinsoul...it was fine when you didn't know, it wasn't your fault, but how could you-" She grimaces and pushes past Jinsoul, hitting her shoulder.

"Jungie wait," Jinsoul follows her, still at a loss for what to say. She was still in shock from their argument and she hadn't even managed to tell Jungeun the reason she invited her over. Jungeun ignores her, grabbing her phone off the couch and heading towards the door. Jinsoul can see her wiping her tears.

"Don't touch me," Jungeun tells her in a cold voice, not fitting her red eyes. "I'm going home,"

"Jungeun please," Jinsoul begs, resisting the urge to grab her hand. "I don't want you to leave if you and I aren't okay,"