My 100 reason to live

10 People That Make Your Life Better

Mom

Your mom, dammit! Unless she's a hooker, druggie or..a table (?), moms are pretty much the best humans you'll ever meet!

Who gave you those 50 bucks to go buy booze for your date with Cindy? (Or Brad if you're a female..). Well it sure in hell wasn't that neighbor cat who hisses at you every time you walk by! Mom gave you that money! And why didn't she buy you that 10 pounds of hard candy?? It's not cuz she doesn't like you! It's cuz she didn't want you to end up a fatty Mcfatterson like your stupid neighbor, Allan! And last of all, she was the one who carried you around for several freaking months before you popped out of her anus!
................. T-that's how it works, right..? (I'm not that good at biology, god dammit..)

So next time you're about to nag at her, don't! Go up to her and be like: Yo Mom, Imma give you a big hug!
.. Unless she's dead. Don't dig her dead corpse up, that's-... I'm pretty fucking sure that's illegal.

Best friend

The best friend, boy or girl is always gonna be one of your favorite humans on earth. Sure, maybe they laughed at you that one time when you were gonna dress up as Link for halloween, but you just turned out looking like a slightly homosexual elf. But come on, you would do the same.

Best friends are the ones who's gonna put up with your annoying and depressing attitude when you go through your emo phase, they're gonna listen as you talk shit about Stacy, and they're the ones who drive you home after you had five bottles of beer.

Neighbor

You know, if you commit suicide. Frekkin neighbor Allan.. Is gonna get blamed for it. I promise, I know from experience (...). And we all know that there's nothing worse than being both accused of a 13 year olds suicide AND being fat. That's the worst combo ever. Trust me.

Why would he get blamed you ask? Well, if you decided to hang yourself in the closet, fatass Allan is gonna- yeah, I really don't know what I'm talking about, just be nice to your neighbor, alright?? He helped you get rid of all that snow last winter, eh?

But now you're probably like: But authoooooooor! (That's how you sound), my neighbors a dick! Well, that's even better! Who's gonna be playing pranks on him if you're not around?! The cat?? I don't fucking think so! TP his house and then take a shit on his lawn.
Chance of him calling the cops: 100%

That guy you see at the bus stop

We all know him. When we're going to school in the morning. He's always there. You never talk to him, but he's there. You don't know where he gets off, but he goes on the same bus as you.
..... *hyper idea*
Oh, oh oh! What if he's a spy following you around! A-and he's always following you, but you never notice him! What if he's a part of a secret organization that fights evil and prevents the human race from getting wiped out AND YOU'RE THE ONLY HUMAN THAT POSSES A SPECIAL SUPER POWER THAT PROTECTS THE UNIVERSE AND HE'S GUARDING YOU WITH HIS LIFE CUZ IF YOU DIE THE ENTIRE GALAXY IS GONNA EXPLODE!!!!
*gasp*...... Omg.

Smartass Steven

... Everyone knows Smartass Steven. Who's the one you cheated off of when your Bff's calculations looked like chicken scratch? Yep, he saved you. When the teacher was gonna ask you about that one thing, but you didn't listen or give a single shit about what she was saying? He raised his hand in front of you, answered flawlessly, and you didn't have to look like a retard in front of the class.

Remember when you had that quiz where you competed with the other classes? Steven was getting all the mothertrucking questions right, wasn't he? You just sat back and relaxed with your friends as the teacher went: What's the answer to 27843&&3;:5&&?/!?269kr2 divided into 2578&kr/:!&@):((33/34 plus 89?