I Can't

I need some serious help

I need some serious help

So ive known this guy since 2nd grade and we got along so well that I would have considered him my best friend. I know for a fact that I fell for the dude the second I saw him and he acted like he liked me back the way any little kid would show it. We lived right behind each other and would play together all the time.

The summer before I went to the 5th grade my family decided to up and move, without letting me say goodbye to any of my friends and didnt tell me that we were even moving so I didnt have time to prepare anything. I didnt have a phone at the time so I couldnt stay in contact with him. I went to a different school for 5th grade but went right back to the same school he was going to for middle school. (Which i was and still am very pissed off about)

I was hopeful that I would still have all of my friends and would be able to see him again. Boy, was I wrong. Everyone I thought was a friend didnt remember who I was and when I looked into his eyes for the first time, he looked like he remembered me but had such a disappointed look on his face that I couldnt bring myself to even speak to him.

This went on for the rest of our school career, I would catch him near my locker all through middle school and I would make deliberate eye contact with him in high school, like he wanted me toblook at him, but that was it. In middle school, I caught him one time near the girls bathroom, looking at my binder while I was still inside using the toilet. I knownit was mine because it was a bit on its own from the other binders and it was the closest to the wall. I caught him and he acted like he was looking at a different one but I know it was mine. We had one class together in high school and I could always feel someone looking at me but never confirmed if it was him or not. We never spoke and Ive felt guilty that I never made an effort to get my best friend back. Honestly I think about him all the time because of how much I miss his company. How could I ever forget my first true friend and first love?

Now, at 21 and 3 years after graduation, I finally made the decision to follow him on Instagram. He accepted my follow request but didnt follow me back. I really want to message him but I dont know what to say or if he even wants to speak to me. What should I do?

I have so many stories about the times when we were little and when he and I didnt speak. Let me know if you want to hear them because honestly its therapeutic for me lol