Doctor Psychosis (English Translation)

17

Co-translator: Akasha-Cataleya

                                 

[Non] -in the present

It has been several days since the incident of that occasion, but he don't know what was happening to him, he get irritated easily, he feel as if something is missing. He was nervous and couldn't think straight. Also Kris didn't bother him again ...he didn't call him, he didn't come to see him. He thought that's a good thing, because he really know that Kris is the person he should never get close to or get involved with again, but it is strange ...

although he think so, his feelings right now are not going that way at all. He thought he wouldn't feel anything, but … since he accidentally had a thing for him again, and he couldn't hold back anymore. From that moment the wall that he was trying to build in his mind to contain his feelings ... collapsed.

But it was also true that he’s still not brave enough to allow himself to let him into his life again , because he had made a great wound in both of their hearts, in Kris heart and in his himself. He have to admit that when they met again face to face for the first time ... He was also quite surprised , because he never believed that in this life they would meet again , because they were like two parallel lines that grow and grow without ever match at no lowercase or uppercase dot . Although they broke up that day, he continued (from distance) to know the news of Kris, but when he saw that Kris had published a photo of himself and his new boyfriend where they looked happy ...

it was not difficult to guess the type of relationship they had for Non. That Kris had already opened his heart to a new person and seemed to love him very much. At that moment Non understood that he had forgotten him, so wanting to keep abreast of his life was useless, so he decided to walk away and also started over. If Kris had already moved on, he'd just be stuck in the same spot, going nowhere. It's also good that this time (now) he has forgotten me.

That's better than having to go back and get hurt again. During all this time Non have not thought about loving anyone ... and it is nothing that has to do with the heart , but he thought it is good to stay like this. FREE ...

without being tied to anyone , living like he want , acting like a normal person, enjoying passion and lust. For that reason he chose to have Min, well, he don't like one-night stands, he don't want to be someone's choice randomly ... He don't choose or let himself taken by anyone either. About what happened the other night, he didn't think he would pounce. He’s not jealous of Min, but he doesn’t like Kris acting. Though there seemed to be signs telling him that Kris was beginning to remember some things...some things he’s afraid of.

“What's wrong Non? ... Tell me" asked Tar, his best friend, who must have noticed that he had been sitting quietly with him since he arrived in his house.

“I think Kris has started to remember something"he said what he had in his mind.

“Really ... what makes you think this ? " asked Tar, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

“I think his suppression is weak, he doesn't act like he should, it might be an incomplete suppression, driven by the desire to know, so it's always trying to find an answer within, as soon as they give him a chance ... or maybe it 's because he 's getting stronger , and therefore , he 's reviving the mechanisms that protect him from pain ".

When he told his friend , he was not quite sure what diagnosis he was making ... but from the beginning he saw that Kris 's memory loss was due to dissociative amnesia, but when Kris looked at Non’s face and eyes many times he asked Non if they knew each other. So he thought it was just the mental self-defense mechanism that he created … the same one that was now weakening.

“You mean, in that kind of case, he'll start to remember because his conscience tells him that he've gotten stronger."

“I think so, because that day when I had an argument in the hospital , he told me that he was sorry that he could not remember me. His expression was very sad and he felt very guilty because he really wanted to remember. But a few days ago , he said the last sentence that I had said to him once, when he said it, the look in his eyes changed, it has become stronger ". Kris's eyes really changed, he could feel it. Now, he couldn't help be surprised because Kris had never looked at him in that way before, never really, not even once.

“What did you say to him?” Tar asked while he looked at me questioningly.
“He told me that no matter if it's now or before, I've never thought of anything ..." Non spoke softly, so low that Tar almost couldn’t hear it. Saying these words again was so heartbreaking that his heart aches again. 

**
“Wait ... you are saying that you have started to remember ... Why do you say that ? " Cho, Kris's close friend, asked surprised. The two of them were sitting on the VIP floor of Kris's own club.

“Yes...but it was just a flash in my head and then I had the same dream over and over again...the same dream I had that time after I got out of the hospital ..."

“It could be just a dream . I saw you blaming yourself for not remembering for several days , but suddenly you remembered " ... Cho said in surprise , feeling guilty , because he himself could not help his friend at all. At that time he would never say anything to him.

“It could be a dream, but you know, the image that appeared in my head and the doctor's words were clear like if I were talking to him." He didn't finish talking and drank all the liquor he had what was in his glass. The taste was bitter and dull, that must be how Kris's mind was right now.

“So what did he do?"

"He was silent ... but everything was clear... right?".

At that moment there was silence again ... like if everyone was immersed in their own thoughts and even Kris himself seemed to remember something and looked at his friend who was sitting next to him who had also taken the shot of liquor that was in his own glass and told him .

“Oh...By the way Cho, find someone to look into my club worker" Kris spoke seriously.

“Why do you change your interest from the doctor to the worker of your club ? " Cho said annoyed.

“Uhmmm … he's interesting. But what I want is for you to find out what relationship he has with the Non"…Kris smiled slightly before turning his attention back to the glass of wine in front of him.

“Damn Kris ... Idiot ... I liked him first ... FUCK ! " . Cho pretended to scream, knowing that his friend was not really interested, but most likely had a plan, because he knows the character of his friend and knows that Kris do not change his mind easily. Kris didn't say anything, just smiled and that was the end of the conversation. Cho got up with his phone, to solve what his friend asked him to do, leaving Kris immersed in thoughts of him alone with a glass of wine like his friend.


***

After a while.

“That's enough Kris ... you won't be able to go back." Cho came back and tried to stop his friend, with some concern, because looking at the bottles of liquor he had already downed, it wasn't hard to tell that his friend had been sitting, sinking into himself and drinking, since he had left to solve what he had asked of him

‘You act like the liquor is going to run out forever or like he's not going to drink anymore'... Cho thought to himself.

-CRACH-

Kris slammed the glass down on the glass table before continuing to speak regretfully.

'  That is all ! I said it '… Cho thought in his heart.

“Why…why does he have to say he didn't think of me?”…Kris got drunk and started hiccuping.

“You're drunk, come on...I'll take you back"...Cho grabbed his friend's wrist and quickly stopped him when he saw that he was about to pick up the glass, preparing to go back to take the next drink.

“Huhmmm ... ayyy ... uhmm .. uhmmm ... I love Non so much , hmmm ... all of a sudden he came to break up with me and told me he does not love me ... why ? “

...

Kris , who was drunk and delirious , was speaking in fits, his voice mixed with the sound of hiccups , as he cried and started to say something Cho did not know much about. Cho was surprised, he didn't think his friend would cry, but when he regained consciousness, he prompted Kris by saying:
“What! You're crying ! Kris stop being stubborn…it's been a long time.”

“Fuck … hmm … it still hurts, you bastard. Uhmm ... it hurts so much ... ohhhhuhhh...”

“That's enough Kris ... come back ... I'll send you back" Cho said with a concerned tone, like if his friend was going to be drunk enough not to know which was the present and which was the past.... Or maybe his friend would never forget ....

“No ... I still don't want to go back" Kris told his friend impatiently, before nonchalantly continuing to sip from his glass. Cho could only watch helplessly and let go of Kris's wrist. Then he sat down.

'Well, it's three in the morning and he still hasn't stopped drinking' Cho thought in his mind.

“Boooooo … Ahh … hummm … huhhhmmm …. love you so much … ummmm …. how can you say goodbye to me?”

G-PLOP (Sound when someone collapses on a table)

Kris cried and cried again until is head hit the table

“Aishhhh ... every now and then you 're stubborn as hell” . After that , Cho led the young man to the car , reluctantly , but when he got out , the young men from the club came and helped him to the car. Cho started to drive towards Kris 's condo, but after Kris had regained consciousness, he cried silently again. The young man raised the back of his hand and covered his eyes.

“Huh..." ...he heard Kris sobbing while Cho could only look at his friend who was sitting in the passenger seat, because he didn't know how to comfort him, so he just let him cry like that. Kris felt pain for no apparent reason. Suddenly an image of Non and his painful words flashed in his head. But when he thought about it, he felt his heart was about to break. Non's eyes that looked at him back then seemed meaningless now, because currently the doctor wasn't as warm as he used to be.

That image that flashed in his head was a sight he had never seen before. The feeling was clear like if those events had happened yesterday and before this. Kris sobbed softly. The couple had already driven to Kris's condo, and Cho parked the car before getting out to help his friend who had been knocked unconscious to sleep after crying.
“Damn , you 're so heavy "  Cho muttered and instantly cursed another friend who was not present at the time:

“What the hell work did you have to do today Won ? And you Kris ... What did you, what the hell is it ? "

Cho mumbled about the other friend , who had not been able to come to Kris 's club because he had to sing with his group at the club where he usually performed .

“Non, I love you" the drunk's mouth kept raving phrases all the way to his room. Cho threw his friend over the bed without hesitation, hoping that he would regain consciousness … but the other party continued to talk about the same topic.

“Come back, don't leave me," Kris pleaded. Cho stood up, looked at Kris and shook his head before placing his friend's head on a pillow and removing his shoes.

'My wife hasn't done this yet...' Cho thought to himself. Then he stood up and watched him for a moment. At first Cho only thought of taking Kris to his house and then leaving, but seeing him in those conditions he couldn't help but worry, so he decided to sleep on the sofa in Kris's apartment.
After some time, Kris opened his eyes in the middle of the room was darkness and he startled to wake up and remember what he had dreamed. In a dream, he saw Non's face as a superimposed image cut several times. He wasn't sure what he was talking about, but even if the image is still cut several times and the scenes overlap in a messy way, the feeling after waking up was one of nostalgia, causing Kris to start crying again.

The young man had a feeling of tightness in his chest that seemed almost unbearable , after a few seconds and unable to hold it in any longer , he took his phone out of his pants pocket and slowly looked for the number of the person he was thinking of and pressed the call button. Kris waited in the line for a long time but no one answered. In this way he hung up and called back several times, but no one seemed to answer, making him feel more and more alone on the verge of giving up ...

But when he was about to hang up , he had to stay still, because the sound after the call he had remained silent (a clear sign that someone on the other end of the telephone line had answered). Kris wiped away his tears in the dark. He held the phone up to him and looked back... indeed, the number that marked the seconds that the call had been connected, had begun to move. So he listened carefully, but he could only hear the sound of the other party's breathing.
“Don't leave me yet"... Kris blew his nose and made a low noise: “Non , I miss you so much, hummm ... buubb ... uhmmmm " Kris spoke between sobbing and hiccuping again .
“Why are you so mean to me? Eh...I won't be stubborn ... huhmm" The end of the line on the other end was silent, with no response at all. That made Kris cry harder:

“Come back ... hug me ... can you? I want to see you, uhmmm, just one last time..."

Kris's last words were silent now he was too exhausted to resist drowsiness. He was tired and drunk. He cried himself to sleep , causing the phone to fall out of his hand and roll next to him , leaving him unaware how anxious the person was on the other end of the phone when he heard the last sentence

....