Drastic measures are a last ditch effort to save yourself after twenty-one heartbreaks and thirteen failed relationships, or at least this is the logic behind Wyatt Carter's decision to open his podcast: The Bottom Club.
When it goes viral, however...
⠀⠀⠀⠀1. My face I think we can all agree I'm a Ten among these Twos.
DISLIKES
I'm neurotic. I'm shallow and self-centered. Like everyone else, I have a radar in my head that should tell me when to let go, except mine is broken and so I live in constant fear even though I am not always sure of what it is I should be afraid of. I don't really like myself or feel seen unless I am with somebody else. And it's like I'm always holding my breath, waiting to get swept off my feet, waiting to fall, waiting to go through the motions of love—the butterflies, the kisses that leave you lightheaded, unstable. When this isn't happening I feel like a failure, and sometimes I want a break but I'm not sure I know how to stop.
I don't really understand any of this. I can't think of a word to describe it, but it feels like I am less of a person than I am desperation when I am not with someone. It feels like I am made up of wanting to be loved so much, all the time, and this want is constantly growing. It blocks out everything else. It's disgusting, and I am just so tired of always trying. I am so tired of always losing.
Reading over everything I've written so far raises questions I try to keep my mind off, but none of what I've described sounds like what I think love is. So, I mean: What is it if it isn't love? and Why does it feel like poison? Who am I? and What am I doing to myself? and How did I get here?
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Wyatt straightens in his chair once he finishes, and after a moment tears the page he has written into out of the notebook.
He crumples it, barely sparing a glance to watch as it falls to the ground at his feet.
