ILLECEBROUS

1

✓ILLECEBROUS 1

DOLLY MTHOMBENI
Me:God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it,trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.
Thimna:Amen.
I opened my eyes and sighed.
Daniel: Hopefully we're not going to be late.
Me: Hopefully we are late.
Zed:Ah Mom, they might be naming grandmother as the new head pastor.
Me:A woman in charge of all the Eastern branches?Such a dream come true,there must be lack of male pastors.
Thimna: Same as how your boss skips you when there's a promotion, probably understand why you are bitter. Not all women are like you Dolly.
Daniel:Thimna!
Thimna:I could have been studying or out with my friends not this stupid trip to see a family she abandoned. Oh wait she sure loves doing that.
Me:Thimna if you don't zip your mouth,I will hit-
Thimna:08000 55555 Mother.
I sighed, she put her earphones on.
Daniel: She's a nightmare,teenage stage is a nightmare.
Me:She talks to you though.
Daniel:Slow down on the strict part love.
Zed: You are the best Mom don't worry.
I smiled as we got in the car,I dreaded going home but everyone was called back home and I was left with no option but return after 17 years,sounds weird but I had to run and never return. My mother was the first reason I left.
•••••••••••••••••••••••
My old home sprawled, looking triple than I last saw it. Cars were parked outside.
Thimna:Wow!
Zed:So beautiful.
Thimna: Curious as to why she left this for the shack we live in.
Daniel:If you continue with that behaviour, you won't be seeing your phone for three months. Clear?
Thimna:Yes Dad.
I wanted to stay in the car forever.
Daniel:Are you coming?
There were people already coming to the car,I stepped out of the car. It sure felt like yesterday since I was home. I grabbed my purse before walking to the front door.
Me:Denise?
Denise:Dolly hey!
I hugged my brother's wife, she still looked beautiful.
Denise:,I thought you weren't coming.
Me:I wouldn't miss my mother's crowning.
Denise: You can do better than that Dolly.
Me: Remember my husband?
Daniel: You are one of sister in-laws right?
Denise: There's only three. This must be Thimna and Zed, they are so beautiful.
Me:This is Aunt Denise,my older brother's wife.
Thimna:We didn't know that you had brothers until few days ago.
Me:Teenagers.
Denise:I am sure Sesethu would make her feel at home,I am getting my groceries.
Me:Who is here?
Denise:Mama isn't here,she went to town.
Me:Oh okay.
We walked in.
Voices:Welcome home!
I jumped,my brothers,their kids wives and some of the church members were there.
Me:Thank you guys.
I greeted everyone.
Smanga: Little sister hello.
Me:Hi big brother.
Vuyo:Hey,hey.
Themba:The little sister,hey,hey. Who knew that you would show up? You?
Voice: Just shine again. Isn't time passed for that?
My only and older sister Nolukhanyo Alanne.
Me:Khanyo.
Nolukhanyo:I thought your body was the only thing coming here.
Luckily my kids were with others to hear this.
Me:Look I am just here-
Nolukhanyo:To watch Mom receive her rightful position, aren't we all?
Me:Then I leave.
Nolukhanyo:The faster,the better then.
Vuyo: Can't you just get along?
Me:Khanyo has a problem with-
Nolukhanyo: Your entire existence you mean?
She turned and walked away. Welcome home Dolly.
______________________________________
PASTOR BOKAMOSO MOTHIBAKGOMO
I sat on the couch naked,my phone vibrated yet again. I heard him groan from his sleep,he finally raised his head.
Me:Hey there handsome.
He looked at me in confusion.
Me: Archbishop Pele are you alright?
Archbishop: I have an explicit headache, what happened?
I got up.
Archbishop:Why are you naked?! Jesus wear something!
I walked towards him and grabbed his laptop.
Me:Here ,press play be sure your sugar levels aren't too low.
I moved back he pressed play.
Archbishop:I didn't -
Me:Have sex with me and enjoyed it? There's a whole entire video of it.
Archbishop: You made tea-
Me:And?Go on.
Archbishop: What did you put in that tea you crazy woman?
He was about to jump when I took out my gun.
Me:I wouldn't act like Superman if I were you Archbishop,unless you prefer dying.
Archbishop:Are you going to hold me hostage?In my own damn house?
Me:Ah Man of God you are swearing. If you are curious though,I just needed one silver bullet and you were allover me. I do have to say,I understand why your stupid wife is still around.
Archbishop:What do you want you crazy witch?
Me:On Sunday,there will a very lovely speech on how women should be given a chance at being the main pastor of all the Eastern branches,so on and other lovely, believable lies. Then you announce me as that woman.
Archbishop: Woman?! Your husband would have been -
Me: You can put him then. Oh no you can't,he can't move any single muscle at all. I discovered something called video editing,it solely means that I can make the video look like rape. Few bruises here and there,imagine the headlines.
Archbishop:No-
Me:This is a woman's world, you could go to prison for years and your family winds up on the streets. Only because of one tiny thing,I am sure you can see how crazy I can be.
Archbishop: You are going to straight to hell!
Me: With you driving, welcomed by the seven sins ,oh my imagine the hot hug from Lucifer. Rrrrrrrrr.
I got up and dressed.
Me: Don't disappoint me,fake crying is tiring. I made copies,a whole bunch. See you on Sunday tiger.
______________________________
NOLUKHANYO[ALANNE] NGONDO
Me:Let me guess ,since she's home, she'll take over everything.
Simanga:Why are you so against her?Out of all people you should be happy that she's back.
Me:Back? Everything was fine when she wasn't around.
A knock echoed,Simanga jumped.
Me:Who is it?
Denise:Hey Mom is here. Have you seen Smanga?Themba said he was talking to you.
Me: I am sure he's around the big house somewhere. I'll be down.
I fixed my dress as he fixed his pants.
Smanga:Give her a break.
Me:of course you adore your little sister,brother,it doesn't mean that I should at all.
I opened and walked out of my bedroom. The kids were helping my mother with the plastics.
Me:Good evening.
Mom:Hey baby.
Me:How was your meeting with the Archbishop?
Mom: He just wanted to talk about my readiness.
Me:He wants you to take over.
Mom:Bokamoso is my name darling. Is your husband here yet?
Me: He'll he here tomorrow. Dolly is here.
She looked surprised.
Mom:I am surprised she showed up. Let me go and greet her.
I followed her,Dolly was busy talking to our father but he sat there unmoving.
Mom:If you came home when you were asked, you would have known that he was sick. He can't talk nor move.
Dolly jumped.
Dolly:Ma.
Mom:How long do you plan on staying?
Dolly:Were thinking of staying for the rest of the holiday.
Mom: Just you know,I don't want trouble in my house.
Dolly: It's not like I am going to start-
Mom: I don't want your nonsense here if you desire staying under this roof Dolly. Now why isn't everyone on the dinner table? They are 3 minutes late.