Gracie & Gray

Chapter 55

G R A C I E

Gray stared back at me in silence. Strained emotions flickered across his face. His thoughts appeared to be racing at a million miles a minute, but I couldn't read his mind. The not-knowing was driving me crazy.

Anxiously, I prompted. "Gray?"

He merely grunted, "Hmm?"

"Please... say something."

In low tones, Gray asked, "What do you want from me, Gracie?"

I sucked in a deep breath. Released it slowly. It was a weak attempt to calm my frenetic nerves. "I want to know what you're thinking."

Gray gave another pause.

I was about to implode from suspense.

"I know what I want to do," he finally replied in a careful, measured manner, "but I'm not sure if it's the right decision."

The right decision?

What the hell did that mean?

I tried not to panic as I blurted out, "If you want to go, I won't try to change your mind."

Gray glanced at me. Intently. "Is that what you want? For me to... leave?"

"I—"

My voice cracked. Desperately, so very desperately, I didn't want Gray to go anywhere, but I refused to beg or guilt-trip him into staying against his will. He was a free man. His own man. I knew, right then, that I'd never be able to forgive Lydia even though she was dead and gone. My sister had fucked us over in the worst way possible. As much as it would break my heart, as much as I wanted to continue co-parenting alongside Gray, he had every right to walk away from Stevie and me without ever looking back.

It took a moment to find my words again. I cleared my throat and pasted on my bravest face even though I felt like dying inside. In a wobbly voice, I offered, "I-I'm okay with whatever you choose to do."

Gray's eyebrows went up. "Really? You... don't have a preference?"

"It's up to you, Gray."

A flash of disappointment flitted across his features. It disappeared so quickly, though, that I wondered if I had imagined it.

"Then," he muttered, "I need some time to... think. Carefully. Too many mistakes and misunderstandings have already been made because of your sister. I don't want to fuck things up for us again."

Panic spiked in me again.

What did he mean by "too many mistakes?"

Was he talking about Stevie and me?

Did he consider us to be... mistakes?

I tried not to let my anxiety show. "Okay..."

Inwardly, though, my distress continued to spiral.

How much time did he need to think about this shit?

A day?

Weeks?

Months?

"If it's alright with you, for Stevie's sake," Gray added, "I'll stick around until I figure out what I want to do. I don't want to mess with her routine. It wouldn't be fair to her. None of this is fair to her, actually, or either of us, but... I'll try my best to give you my answer as soon as possible. I want to do right by all of us this time, okay?"

"Okay," I mumbled again.

There was nothing more I could say at this point. In my heart of hearts, I knew I needed to give him space. To work on what he needed to work out for his future.