disasterpiece || c.taylor × j.jordison

july 26

so... i guess this day has come too.

i'm not even sure where to start, honestly. but i guess i have to find a way.

today is the 26th of july, 2022. a year ago today Joey Jordison passed away.

it's impossible to explain how i feel, but i know i'm not alone. Joey was far more, than loved. he inspired thousands, if not millions of people all around the world. to pick up the drumsticks, to play, or just to show who they are. including me.

all of slipknot, but especially Joey had such an impact on my life. i've changed a lot — and for the better. sometimes i wonder, it was all because of an online friend, that i accidentally met, and whom i'm not in contact with anymore sadly. their music, their personalities, them... they were able to help me overcome my fear to be me, and they helped me out when my life was at its lowest.

i loved all of them — but certainly Joey was the one. my biggest motivation, who made me the happiest, who i stayed up all night thinking about, fuck, i even saved up money so i could start drumming.

when i woke up, last year on this day, when i heard he passed, i seriously didn't know what i would do with my life. all of it just seemed meaningless without him. my panic disorder got worse, my emotions became uncontrollable, and there i was, just sitting in bed all day, with my earphones in, listening to Slipknot and Murderdolls, nothing else, and just thinking about him. i didn't want to talk, i didn't want to eat, i didn't want to nor had the energy to go somewhere, to do anything.

i had no idea how i would continue on living my life, when he was not there anymore. (at this point i'm in tears, writing this and remembering—)

but, like many things, it eventually got better. i started to overcome it. i started writing letters to him, which may sound stupid, but it really helped. and now i think he's the biggest reason for me to keep on going. i've been down many times since then, i've considered just ending it all more than once, but what didn't change, is that he always held me back at the end.

this will sound crazy again, but i made a promise, that no matter how hard it gets, i would always collect myself, stand up, and keep going for him.

i still miss our Superball endlessly. i still ask myself the same questions. why did they take him? why couldn't it be someone else? why? i still want him to come back — but i know he won't. so i will let go, but not forget. i know i'll always remember him, and i know i'm far not the only one to do so. he really did make this world a better place.

i still have my bracelet i made because of him, and i'm still bringing it with myself wherever i go. it's been with me since then. that always makes me think of him, and makes me smile.

we'll remember him. i know we will.

we love you, Joey.