Redemption

Luke POV. 6

Changing of clothes, I grabbed my keys and rode her fiercely through the lonely streets. Darkness took over and that's when I realized how heartless I've been.

I clenched my jaw and increased the speed, making her scream in the tunnels where lights lightened the unfamiliar path. My feelings pursued me no matter how fast I went, no matter the distance I created, no matter how long I had left.

"You have only touched a woman sexually not romantically. That's why you don't feel any nice sensations. You are not used to it," she said as she held my hand.

My grip tightens at the memory and I speed up.

"How do you feel?" She whispers, making me go back to reality. "Having this type of closeness with someone." She smiled, getting closer to me.

My chest felt heavy and it was hard for me to breathe.

    "We are emotionally damaged. Yet we get scared of being alone."

A burning feeling expanded within me and I wanted to get rid of it.

"You feel the same way I do towards everything. That makes us relate to one thing or the other. And that makes us feel less lonely because it's two of us who feel disappointed at each other."

I lowered my head and tried to focus on the road but it was too late. Suddenly, life flashes in my eyes, and I'm able to turn just in time right before a car honks to warn me and pass by.

I immediately get off my bike and remove my helmet desperately just to throw it on the pavement, trying to process what almost happened.

"Fuck," I curse under my breath meanwhile I rubbed my chest, where the pain remained. I walked for a while until I could breathe normally and my hands weren't shaking anymore.

Sighing loudly, I picked up my helmet and placed it back, not wasting more time waiting in the middle of nowhere. I turned her on again, so she could take me to the only place I could alleviate my despair.

This time I focused on the road where more cars showed me the way to my redemption. Once I arrived at the first bar I saw in the city, I didn't hesitate to go inside. It was dark and lonely, just like I wanted. But I guessed it was the way it was because of its liquor costs, meaning that only people with a good social status could afford the drinks here. The idea made me want to leave but I needed the numbness that alcohol gave to me.

      "Good evening, what can I serve you?" the bartender who looked younger than I did asked.
      I took a seat in front of him and simply said,
     "I need something strong."

       "I can recommend you the jack Daniel's or the rum signature—"
       "Do you have something sweet?" I interrupt him. She likes sweet things.
       "We have ice cream cocktails if that
      interests you."
       "Sounds goods." She loves ice cream.
     "Pour double liquor in those," I continue.
       The guy smiled and nodded. "Noted."
       "Thanks."

     I ran a hand through my hair as I took my phone out, but I lifted my gaze when I heard someone else come in minutes later. It was Dave, one of my employees, holding a brown bag in one of his hands.
"Brought you food," he says, carefully handing the bag to the bartender.
"Thanks, I owe you one."
"Indeed you do—" Dave stumbles in his words once he notices me. "Luke."
I nod and try to give him my best smile.
"Dave."
"You know him?" the bartender curiously asks Dave, who simply nods and returns my smile.
"He's my boss."
"Oh." The bartender hides the bag behind the counter and gets back to work.
"He's my step brother by the way," Dave adds with a shrug.
"I see."
"Yeah that's why I'm black and he is white," the other guy laughs. He takes a black napkin and places it carefully beside my phone. My eyes land on the strawberry drink with chocolate dripping on the sides that he slowly places in front of me. She loves chocolate.
"Thank you," I finally say, mesmerized by the way it colorfully looked. She would love this drink.
I take a sip, not caring enough by the way both of them regard me as impressed as I was. The strawberry ice cream was soft and danced sweetly in my mouth, reminding me of how she tasted every time I kissed her. But then the bitter liquor caught up and twirled in my tongue, mixing with the sweetness with so much completeness. Both blend perfectly and entirelly.

"It's perfect."
"I'm glad you liked it, sir."

I turn my attention towards Dave who is trying hard enough to say his thoughts.
"She is doing great," he finally adds. "She got a part-time job in a coffee shop near her college just recently."
I clench my jaw and look away.
"She is going to make a pitch the next month to a huge audience. She got a new tattoo—" he hesitates. "She is spending Christmas alone this year. She wasn't able to get a ticket to visit her family."
I drink more, the pain increasing in my chest.
She loves Christmas and loves spending it with her family.
"She's been doing good. I just thought that maybe you wanted to know."
I remain silent, swallowing my feelings with the thoughts of her.
"Anyways, hope you enjoy your weekend." Dave waves at his step-brother and finally leaves.

I drink more until I blink away the emotion that the alcohol intensified, the opposite of what I wanted. An hour passes by until I find myself in the bathroom calling her.
My hands trembled, anticipating for her to answer to finally hear her voice after these past months. The grip in my phone tightened as I impatiently waited for to answer.

    'Hi this is Lenna. I'm sorry I couldn't answer, please leave a voice message and I'll call you back as soon as possible!"
    A ring sound reminded me that my voice was being recorded, that I could finally say what I've been dying to say. But nothing came out of me.

     My chest tightened and I breathed deeply as I closed my eyes and finally hung up.
      "You're such an asshole," I said to myself as I looked in the bathroom mirror, and eventually fell to my knees and sat miserably in the floor.
My head spun but not fast enough to finally open my email and type her name.

To: Lenna Salinger
From: Luke Huxley
Subject: ice cream

I love you.
I fucking love you.

Someone attempts to open the door but immediately stops. I rub my chest and a new feeling settles within me, but before I could hit send my screen changes, and her name displays just in time. She was calling me back.
I quickly answered but suddenly my screen turned black and my phone shut down. Low battery.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I lamented in a lower voice. I finally laid down and looked at the dark green ceiling, my eyes feeling heavy like my heart did. "You've got to be kidding me," I repeated tiredly.

She likes the green color.

"She's been doing good. I just thought that maybe you wanted to know."

I smile drunkenly. "She's happy. She's doing great without me."

"She got a part-time job in a coffee shop near her college just recently."

"She doesn't need me," I confess heartbrokenly.

"She got a new tattoo."

I roll my sleeve and stare at the inked words on my forearm. 'Redamancy'

     "Not being able to fall in love even though you want it so bad," I whispered. "That's what it means Lenna." I pause. "But it doesn't mean anything now because you made me fall in love with you."

    

    

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