Heartstopper One shots

Exposed

tw: self harm, Ed

Charlie's pov:
Nick was coming over today to help me study for an exam which is next week. Of course it wasn't all going to be about studying.
I was cleaning up my room when I stumble across my diary. I cringe at it as I picked it up. Turning through the  pages carelessly I saw a page of writing and  started to read it.
   

                                     Date 28/7/22
Argh I hate myself so much, I mess everything up!! This sounds cringey farout. Nick and I had an argument this afternoon over me not taking my medicine. Not my fault I don't want to get better, is that bad? I don't care anymore. We yelled at eachother, he left. I hate myself I make people annoyed at me. I wish I didn't exist really. I also may or may not cut myself today. See the thing is emotion gets built up inside of me and it gets too stressful. I feel relief when I do it but now I regret it. Like anyone needs to know? I'm not going to tell nick now, maybe never. I don't want him to baby me.

My eyes started to burn. Crap I can't cry. Why am I like this.
"Charlie Nick's here!," Tori yelled.
"Okay,"I yelled back.
I realised I was still staring at the book when Nick came into the room.
"Hey char,you okay?,"
I suddenly jump.
"Crap you scared me," I turn around to look at nick, his face showed a flicker of concern.
"What's that in your hand?," He questioned pointing down to my diary.
"Oh um, nothing, so how was rugby training?," I say switching the topic so nick doesn't investigate. I walk over to my dressing table and place the book in one of the drawers.
"Oh uh it was good, it was raining. Harry slipped a million times," nick said running a hand through his hair sitting down in my bed.
"Haha must of been funny,"
"Yeah, so what do you need help with studying?," Nick asks
"Hmm do you really have to study?," Nick whined pulling me onto his lap.
"I don't want to, but I want to actually do good in school,' I replied back kissing nicks neck.
"Okayyy, char,"
"I'll make us some tea," I say walking out of my room .
Once I closed my door I started to panic, did nick actually believe me? Will he investigate, he wouldn't hell respect my privacy right .....

Nick's pov:
I was going to Charlie's house to help him study for a test. When I entere his room he was frozen looking at what I assume was a diary. 
"Hey char,you okay?," I ask cautiously.
By my surprise Charlie jumped.
"Crap you scared me," Charlie said turning around. He walked over to his dressing table and out the book in the drawer. Okay now I am suspecting something's going on.

"I'll get us some tea," Charlie said hopping off my lap and closing the door after him.
I wait a couple seconds till I know for sure Charlie's in the kitchen.
"Probably going to regret this," I say to myself while walking and pulling out the drawer Charlie put his diary in.
Gosh I knew this was a total invade of privacy but I love Charlie and I need to know if he's okay, also he's been really distant at school.
I take a deep breath and open his diary, gosh this felt so wrong.
I flipped through the pages, till I found an up to date entry. I sit myself in Charlie's bed.
  

                                         Date 28/7/22
ARGH I hate myself so much, I mess everything up!! This sounds cringey farout. Nick and I had an argument this afternoon over me not taking my medicine. Not my fault I don't want to get better, is that bad? I don't care anymore. We yelled at eachother, he left. I hate myself I make people annoyed at me. I wish I didn't exist really. I also may or may not cut myself today. See the thing is emotion gets built up inside of me and it gets too stressful. I feel relief when I do it but now I regret it. Like anyone needs to know? I'm not going to tell nick now, maybe never. I don't want him to baby me.

My eyes widened. What! He did what!
I started to read all of these pages of hatred for himself.

                                             Date 2/8/22
Sometimes I feel like if I don't eat I'll take up less air, and space. Well... Nick and I had an argument over something dumb I did. See the thing is I'll try not to starve myself just because Nick's mad at me.

I thought Charlie was getting better.

                                             Date 3/8/22
Last night I cried till 1am, gosh I'm so hopeless.

My eyes were starting to firm tears. What is this.

"What are you doing?," I hear a voice shatter my thoughts.
I look up, it was Charlie.

Charlie's pov:
"Is nick here?," My mum asks me while I'm making tea for nick and I.
"Yeah, he's helping me study for my test next week,"
"Hmm okay, doors open please," my mum looks at me with a smile.
"Mum!," I started to blush, she then left the kitchen.
I was staring out the window looking at the rain falling from the sky.
"The tea is going to go cold," tori says behind me snapping me out if my daydream.
"Tori! Far out," I Jump, second time today in less then 15 minutes.
Tori always had this sister magic appearing out if nowhere, she would make an amazing ghost.
"Sorry," tori replies walking out if the kitchen, she's a weird but great person.
I walked up the stairs carefully balancing the drinks in my hands. I open the door when my eye sight catches nick reading my diary.
I still dead in my track, "What are you doing?," I ask nearly spilling the tea on my carpet.
"I-uh,"
I cut nick off," You weren't suppose to see that, um okay I'll be back," I say leaving the room.
"Wait Charlie," nick calls after me.
But I'm putting my shoes on and out the door without second thought. My boyfriend just read my diary. My diary I vent to, so no one had to deal with my problems. I'm reminded that it's raining when I start to shiver uncontrollably and I don't know if I'm crying or its rain falling down my face.

a/n: Hey guys sorry for not updating lately. This part will have a part 2. Also venting into a diary is very helpful, I recommend. Also stay safe and healthy 🙂
Tell me what you think will happen next in part 2? Also who's side are you on, nick or Charlie's?