she. ~ h.styles

2

TW: mentions of $ui€ide, breakdowns

"Do you ever have a feeling where you feel like you're sinking, and no one can save you?"

"I think you need serious help, Mal.", Joe laughed, clinking glasses with his sister.

"My doctor put me on anti-depressants, but I don't take them.", she sipped on her white wine.

"That's your problem right there. You need to take your medication."

"You sound like Harry, Joe.", Matilda groaned.

"Well, he's right."

After a good 10 minutes of silence, Matilda broke it.

"You want me to drive you home, Joe?"

"Nah, I got it. Have a good night, Tills.", Joe gave his sister a hug.

Harry walked through the door a few minutes later.

"Hey, Tills.", he smiled, giving her a kiss.

"Hi.", she replied.

"You need to shave your stubble, love.", she told him, touching Harry's chin.

"I thought you liked bearded me.", he looked offended, but she knew he was messing around with her.

"I do, but it makes it harder for kissing, and for other things."

"You're desperate, aren't you.", Harry rolled his eyes, walking into the kitchen.

"You wanna go for a swim? The water's warm.", she asked.

"Count me in."

..........

Matilda changed into her bathing suit, before putting her hair up in a messy bun.

She sat on one of the beach chairs, scrolling through Instagram.

Truth be told, Matilda was going through it.

The only thing that made it somewhat happier was Harry being home, and Joe coming over for a chat.

Harry came outside, sitting on the chair next to hers.

"You okay?", Harry asked.

"I'm fine, Harry.", Matilda said, in a harsher tone than expected.

"No need to get your knickers in a bunch, gosh.", Harry replied, walking back inside, clearly turned off by her tone.

She decided to dip her feet into the pool.

Nice and warm.

Matilda took off the T-shirt she had over her bathing suit, and jumped into the pool.

She couldn't swim for the life of her, but she didn't care in that moment.

As she floated to the bottom of the pool, she felt nothing but peace.

Silence.

She suddenly heard Harry yelling before she felt him jump in the pool.

He tried to pull her out, but she kept resisting.

"No! Leave me!", she yelled, fighting back.

"Matilda, you're going to drown!"

"Maybe I want to!", she yelled, her voice shattering.

Harry stopped dragging her.

He stood there, dumbfounded.

Matilda helped herself out of the pool, grabbing her towel and slippers before going to the bathroom.

As she slid down the door, she sobbed.

Why was her life so hard?

Matilda grew up as the accidental child.

She was her parent's last kid, and she was, with all honesty, a mistake.

She never had a relationship with her siblings to where she could play with them like kids would.

She spent most of her childhood on the side.

Watching as her siblings got everything their child hearts could desire, while she got the bare minimum.

It wasn't until she ran away at 16, that her parents realized how messed up she was.

All those years, being put to the side, feeling unwanted.

She hadn't even realized that her parents were neglecting her.

She told them she wouldn't come back unless they got her emancipated.

And that's what they did.

Matilda got herself a flat at 17 years old, and graduated secondary school, with a 4.9 gpa.

Even though she had no intention to go to university, well, at least for now, she was still proud of herself for pulling through the worst years of her life.

"Tills, open the door.", Harry knocked.

"No, please.", she replied.

"Matilda."

"Go away, Harry. You hate me, I know you do.", she mumbled.

Harry opened the door, sitting on the floor next to her.

"I love you more than anything in the world, Tills.", he told her.

"But I'm not good enough. If I wasn't good enough for my own family, who'll I ever be good enough for?", she sniffled.

"But you are. You're good enough for me, Joe, my family, and an entire fan base of people, and that's all that matters. And anyway, you can start a new family, and we'll always show you love."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. My mental health is kicking my arse right now.", Matilda wiped her eyes, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"No, it's okay. I'm gonna try to get you some professional help, no matter how much it takes, okay?", Harry told her, kissing her cheek.

She nodded.

"You're the love of my life, Matilda Quinn. Never forget that."