i know it's for the better

hoe life or no life

[ two pretty best friends ]
3:36pm

meanhoe: so r u gonna ask out the lizard boy or what

greenie: okay one, newts are salamanders

meanhoe: how did such a cool and sexy person like me end up being best friends with a lizard-loving nerd like you?

greenie: and two, i think he's cute, but i don't like him like that.
greenie: like for example, i think youre hot, doesn't mean i want to jump in bed with you

meanhoe: like you could.
meanhoe: i'm way out of your league.

greenie: well then i guess you could date him then?

meanhoe: no thanks
meanhoe: hoe life or no life🙅‍♂️

greenie: jesus christ

[ the beatsie boys ]
4:00pm

minny baby: hey boo

newtie patootie: Sorry this user is unactive and unavailable.

minny baby: are you available to take thomas out on a date?

newtie patootie: Minho, I don't think Thomas likes me. Set him up with Teresa instead or something.

minny baby: but i'm tryna set you up too
minny baby: how about sonya???

newtie patootie: Minho.
newtie patootie: You are fully aware that is my sister right???

minny baby: yeah.
minny baby: i'm pointing out how stupid you sound
minny baby: teresa and thomas are basically siblings
minny baby: they may share a brain sometimes but it's completely platonic

newtie patootie: I'm not into Thomas like that anyway.

minny baby: ur not dating that alby kid are you?

newtie patootie: No, Alby's just a friend.

[ wlw & mlm solidarity ]
4:14pm

sirius blacks slut: Do you want to come over and watch Brooklyn 99?

marlene mckinnons whore: i would but i think you should go out with thomas instead

sirius blacks slut: Can nobody understand what the fucking word "no" means?

marlene mckinnons whore: welcome to the world of being a girl.
marlene mckinnons whore: anyways, what's up butter cup, who's bothering you?

sirius blacks slut: Nothing. I just finished a conversation with Minho about Thomas. I don't want to talk about him anymore.

marlene mckinnons whore: mkay whatever you say sweet pea.

sirius blacks slut: Then he asked me if I was with Alby? Which was really weird.