^^^Image above for people with bad imaginations
I can't believe they came to suprise El and I. I am beyond excited. We're all seated in the Surfer Boy Pizza van, El and Mike seated next to each other of course, I'm in between Dustin and Lucas with Max by herself closest to El. Nancy is next to Max, kind of. Nancy just wanted to be able to talk to Jonathan. Mike and El are practically all over each other and going rather overboard on the affection if you ask me or maybe that's the jealousy talking. At least Dustin and Lucas are mostly distracting, its hard to ignore something right in front of you.
"And there's this guy, his names Eddie- Will are you even listening?" Dustin questions and I realize I have been spaced out for God knows how long. I missed almost everything Dustin's said.
Lucas stares at me for a minute. "You ok, Will? You look slightly ill." I'm not ill, I know I'm not. Jealous, upset, frustrated, maybe but not ill. I appreciate Lucas's concerns though.
"Just a bit of motion sickness." I lie, I try really hard to sound honest but there's not much I can do. To be honest maybe I do feel ill, but not in the way Lucas thinks, I feel wrong. Maybe there's something wrong with me, what am I even saying? There is something wrong with me. I'm not normal, I never have been. Mom knows that, Jonathan knows that, everybody knows that. That's why I've been bullied. That's why we had to move. That's why I still can't make friends. That's why people call me that word. Fag. I'm not, well I am, but I can pretend that I'm not. I catch Mike staring for a couple of moments before El regains his attention. "Sorry Dustin, what were you talking about?" I try to revert my attention to Dustin to see if maybe the growing pit in my stomach dies away. It won't, it never does.
Dustin's eyes do this light up thing, the thing they always do when he gets excited. I noticed it when we first played DnD when we were younger. "So now that we're at the highschool, there's a DnD club, Hellfire Club! This guy, his names Eddie, runs it and the campaign goes on for a term or so. The most recent one was about this monster called Vecna-" I tune out the rest of Dustin's campaign story. They joined another party. All of them? The pit in my stomach starts to grow deeper, my chest starts to tighten. My heart begins to sink, but what did I expect? They'd stop playing like I did? That's not fair. I wish we stayed in Hawkins. I hate Lenora.
"Dustin your story is boring." I hear Max pitch in, I wonder if she's actually bored or if she just noticed my discomfort. I want to hear about it, or I should want to hear it. I'm being so fucking selfish right now.
"It is not." Dustin argues, this begins a small back and forth that lasts us the last 2 minutes of the car ride. As we pull up to the house I realize that my room isn't clean, and I'm still gripping the painting. I was too embarrassed to give it to Mike, especially after the awkward side hug moment.
I watch as everyone exits the van. I go to follow but Jonathan grabs my arm, even after Nancy exited the van. "Jonathan let go." I say, it comes out meaner then I intended. I just don't like being grabbed.
"Will. Are you ok? You seem out of it, and I don't know..." Jonathan's eyes wander to my hands where the painting is still planted "You didn't give Mike the painting?" Jonathan is eying me the same way he always does when he knows somethings up.
"It, it wasn't the right time, I just," I am struggling more than I should to push a simple sentence out of my mouth. "I didn't want to make it weird, ok?" What did I really think was going to happen? He was going to love the painting and suddenly admit to liking me the way I like him. Not likely. Because who I am isn't right, I know that, and I wish I wasn't the way I was.
"Will-"
"I'm going inside Jonathan." I yank my arm from Jonathan's grip. Jonathan wasn't holding my arm very tight so maybe my pulling was wasn't quite necessary but I was frustrated. I am frustrated most of the time. I wander through my homes door, I can hear Mom greeting everyone and hugging them. I can hear Dustin and Lucas talking but they sound different then I remember but everyone sounds different after a year on the phone.
"Will!" I hear El shouting from our kitchen. I feel almost frozen, I want to collapse in my bed and sleep for hours but I can't do that right now. God I feel so selfish for being this way, especially right now. I make my way to the kitchen, everyone's here. Everyone we left behind in Hawkins when we moved, just everyone. "Are you coming to the roller rink with us?" El asks, I don't think going to the roller rink is a good idea. All the kids who are rude to El and I go there often, but she's so excited to do this stuff with Mike I can't tell her that it's a terrible idea. Even if I'm jealous and upset, she is my sister and I want her happy.
"Yeah, of course." I'm going as a precaution. Just to make sure everything turns out how El wants it to.
"Ok we go at 5, we can get dinner after." I remember us talking about these plans last week, I'm glad she still gets to do this stuff. I'm even happier that Dustin, Lucas, and Max are here to do this with us. I won't be a tragic third wheel.
I smile at El, she looks so happy. She deserves her happiness, more then I deserve mine. "Yeah, we can do that. In the mean time why don't you guys set your stuff in my room, and Max you can put yours in Els room." I show Dustin, Mike, and Lucas to my room. My room is a mess but it's not terrible, it's been worse.
"Hey Will, what are you holding?" Mike asks, I glance down at my hand. The painting, I've had it this whole time.
"Yeah, you brought it to the airport." Lucas adds, I don't know what to even say about it.
"Oh it's nothing." I set the painting down in the corner of my room. I'll find the right time, sometime. I hope there will be a right time this trip.
