Growing Up

Part 47.

Remus sat with Harry on his lap, silent. He was angry, furious. It was a slow trickle, red hot, dripping endlessly.

His eyes wandered to the door as it opened. He watched Albus' robes trail up the stairs behind him.

"Where's Sirius." Remus asked, turning his head away.

"Not important." He said smoothly. "What's important is this little one." He smiled at Harry.

"Why is he speaking parseltongue?" Remus asked. "And why is he seeing Voldemort?"

Albus put his finger to his lips mockingly, a smile breaking out on his face.

Barking echoed through the walls of the school. it was a loud, vicious yelp of anger.

"Padfoot!" Harry perked up.

"Padfoot?" Dumbledore asked, an eyebrow raising.

"Not important." Remus' gaze met his. "Answer my questions."

"I've figured it out. When Lily was..." He paused, grasping for the right word. "Murdered, her love protected Harry from dying."

Harry turned, a frown appearing.

"Harry, can you go to Minnie, please?"

Harry nodded slowly and made his way downstairs. His head hung low as he walked out.

"That doesn't make sense." Remus snapped, returning his gaze. How could that work? He started to shake, a lump appearing in his throat. He started to understand how miraculous it was that he survived.

He could've died.

Should've, could've, would've.

"Oh, but it does." Dumbledore said smoothly, ignoring the anger fumigating off Remus. "You see, Lily's love for Harry created a counter 'curse' known as Sacrificial Protection. However, im worried he might be a Horcrux."

Remus' ears rang. He remembered that word all too well. Regulus died trying to destroy a Horcrux, and it nearly killed Sirius. They couldn't go through that again, especially not with Harry.

"A Horcrux?" His voice wavered. "He can't be."

"I thought the same thing as well, until i remembered the Dark Lord's plans. Which include-"

"I remember what they include." He cut the old man off. "You very well fucked me over in The Order."

"Mr Lupin," He stared, expressionless. "I assume you like your job?"

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. He couldn't lose his job, or be a hypocrite.

He stood up, unwilling to hear more. He stepped behind and slip the chair in quietly.

He gave Albus a look, then turned to walk away.

"For what it's worth, Remus," Albus started quietly.

Remus stopped, waiting.

"I'm sorry."

The echo of the door slamming was a sound he was sure he would never forget.

***

Upon walking in the door to his own home, he could've vomited at the sight of his living room.

There were bottles everywhere. Some were placed in an attempt to try and hide them, and others in plain sight. Some had toppled over, leaving that horrible smell behind.

And there was Sirius, face down into the couch, snoring.

Remus was dumbfounded. He was only gone an hour after the barking stopped? What, he couldn't leave a grown man for an hour without him getting blackout drunk?

He gasped as he covered Harry's eyes, scooping him up and turning around.

"Moony, what happened to Padfoot?" He asked, resting into Remus' shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, dear. I'll take care of it."

"It's stinky in here, Moony." He said.

Remus said nothing, just ran him up the stairs, placing him of the floor.

He turned his head, giving Kreacher a nod, then bolted down the stairs.

He stood silently for a moment, thinking of what he was to say. He could scream and yell, but that wouldn't accomplish anything. He could leave for a night and take Harry, but that's both of their biggest fears.

Instead, he just cleaned up.

It would give him more time to process and think about what he was going to do. He had dealt with him drunk before, especially when it was every day for weeks.

"That cannot happen again." He mumbled, picking up the bottles.

Sirius started to stir behind him. He lifted up his head, gazing at Remus.

Remus turned around.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He hissed.

"Moony, i-"

"Do not "Moony" me!" He walked closer, his finger threatening him.

"You don't know...what the fuck kind of day i had." His vision became bleary with tears.

Sirius got up off the couch, stumbling.

"I'm sorry, it was just one mistake."

"That's all it takes for you to be drunk for weeks," He spat. "And i will not go through that again."

Remus turned around before he said or did something stupid.

"What- what did you hear?"

Remus stood for a second, the room coming to a standstill.

"Moony, what did you hear?"

A sob escaped Remus' throat, denying his attempts to stop it. He clapped his hand to his mouth to conceal it.

"He's a Horcrux."

***

Remus spent the next hour crying.

He wept for Harry, for the things he would have to endure in his lifetime, but he also cried for himself.

If anything happened to Harry, he would kill everyone in this world, and then himself. He couldn't live without him.

Seeing Sirius in that state was a trigger from the past and sent him spiraling.

Remus gasped as he sobbed, trying to pull himself together.

Sirius did his best to console him, but Remus refused. He wouldn't let Sirius hug him smelling like the bottom of a bar's sink. His consolation wouldn't do much anyway, as it was a blur of apologies and grabby hands.

"Sleep on the couch tonight." He croaked, wiping his eyes.

"What?" He asked, taking a step back.

"You stink, you're sleeping on the couch." Remus grabbed the door in an attempt to close it.

Sirius took two steps forward, ignoring him.

"Oh, don't worry, Moons. I can take a shower-"

Remus put a hand to his chest, keeping him out.

"No, I'm mad at you. Go tell Kreacher to put Harry to bed, please."

The door shut with a slam. 

He crawled into bed, hearing Sirius' sniffles on the couch.

It's a funny thing, he thought, that his drinking wasn't for his benifit. It was his utter absence of self. His recovery peeled back every layer of his being, and this one trigger peeled back the last one. Remus could never be mad at him.

But he was. He was so mad that Sirius would be so selfish as to risk throwing away the only thing he had left.

So Remus spent the night alone, the first night he had spent alone in years.

Word count: 1085