Chapter Two - Escaping Exhaustion, Capturing Fear

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As much as I hated to admit it, Finewaters Academy was an okay school

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As much as I hated to admit it, Finewaters Academy was an okay school. If you overlooked the cult-like rituals they forced students to participate in every Wednesday or the strangely worded prayers we had to memorize and recite every morning, it was like any other rich kids boarding school you'd see in the movies. It was rather...tolerable, though the variety of snacks in the vending machines and meals in the cafe were bland and unfilling.

The only thing I had trouble with at Finewaters was the stupid anatomy class that I had to take and getting used to following strict routines every day. I was accustomed to living at the school, not robotizing myself into a mechanized apparatus that followed the same steps every day. I was never a: wake-up, bathe, eat, go to school, eat, go home, bathe, eat, sleep, kind of girl. I was a: wake-up and do whatever the hell I felt like doing first, kind of girl.

Well, I was technically never able to do what I wanted, but I didn't have a minutely schedule either.

Back in Orchal, I used school as an escape, because at home, I was forced to watch my younger siblings. Not only were there a lot of them, but they were young and disobedient, draining any energy I had. It wasn't like I could blame them for it, though. They were just like me, scrambling for James and Bridgette's attention, and no matter how many times I told them that they didn't actually want it. I knew they'd have to see it for themselves just like I did, even though coming to that realization did nothing.

I'd only ever gotten the bad side of their notice, but the little girl inside of me accepted it. She raised herself from the moment she could walk, but she still felt incomplete. Like she wasn't ready to fully grow up and blossom into womanhood, and it was because she desperately wanted to experience a mother and father's love before she did. I wanted Bridgette and James to send me off to adulthood with a kiss, telling me how proud of me they were, but I knew it would never happen.

I think that was when Lucy grew inside of me. When the girl in me dropped to her knees and refused to leave, Lucy came in to protect her. She locked her away, and I never saw her again.

I didn't want my siblings to end up like me, standing at eighteen years old and wanting to be treated like a child. Anyone's child. I wanted to be taken care of for once: reminded to eat or cooed to sleep, rocked and held in protective arms, and kissed goodnight just one time, so I did it for them. I gave them what I always wanted so they never had to seek it from someone else, or even worse, hide their wants in sex.

I sacrificed every bit of sanity I had left to keep theirs intact, and I would do it all over again if I had to...because who else would? Their own mother and father wouldn't, so who other than me?

Who would simultaneously help seven children with their homework while doing their own and cooking dinner at the same time? Who would take them to their extracurricular activities and drop out of everything they signed up for so they could make it to every rugby game or swim meet? Who would help the younger kids bathe while reading affirmations to the older ones, ensuring their futures of self-confidence? Who would wake up every morning before dawn to pack lunches and shower because they couldn't the night before?

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