Walking with insecurity (Unsecured Series #1)

1

A kid is a prone on social anxiety. This condition will make you fear socializing to any sort of reasons. I am more often staying in my room than playing outside, that's my daily routine when i was a kid. minsan lang ako lumalabas kong may gustong ipabili si mama, o di kaya pupunta sa skwela. wala naman akong dahilan na lumabas ih, pagod nako sa mga sinasabi nila.

My father is a half nigerian, he has a black skin and so do i. it's not so black, it was just tanned skin. oa lang talaga yung mga tao mag address. kaya kinokotya ako ng mga bata rito, kahit sa skwela meron din. di ko naman kasalanan ganto yung balat ko.

"Don't let insecurities won't walk you with grace anak, ha?" dad said before leaving me at school. he dropped me off.

As the moment i walk in the gate, i saw a lot of kids staring at me as if i was different. this is the most annoying part of my days. walking in the public, but i need to. i found myself in the front of the door in our classroom, i entered it with a heavy heart. i know this would be a bad day, i mean everyday. That's my school year, everyday was like that, the odd feeling was repetitive.

Dumating yung araw na iniba ang landas ko, i sat in the door watching a guy that i think 2 year older than me doing some stuff, i think he's helping his mother, may paninda sila. when he turn his gaze on me i was shocked, when he suddenly smiled at me. I'm not used to it, cause i think everyone hates me. but this handsome guy just smiled at me for real.

"Laro tayo?" he asked, i don't even remember he walks towards me.

I nodded. as a reply.

"Marunong kaba gumawa ng loom bands?" I asked him.

Umiling siya. "Hindi, mabuti pa at gawan moko ng isa" sabi nya habang ngumingiti.

I immediately grab some bands and form it as a small bracelet, i even take his hand and measure it, as a reference for the bracelet. titig na titig sya sakin, na para bang bigla nalang akong mawawala.

"Try to wear it now if it fits you." I showed him the loom bands i made. Kinuha nya naman at sinukat, saktong sakto sa papulsohan nya.

He smiled at me cutely. "Susuotin ko to hanggang sa di mabigtas" he proudly said. We chuckled. That time i forget about my worries and fears. and that's a first time i experienced that.

"Gusto mo bang turoan kita?" i asked him.

He nodded, as i grab his arm to show him what to do, a old lady shouted.

"Hoy!!! ikaw? umuwi kana, wala ka talagang silbi kang bata ka. buong mag hapon kang nawala sa tindahan!!"

"Ma wag dito." he said with fear.

"Hali ka dito!!" sabi ng ginang.

"Babalik ako, promise." he mouthed.

As i nodded. I turn my gaze at the calendar, and save the date in my mind, as if it was a treasure. August 17, 2013.

Pianood ko sya habang pinaulanan ng sapak sa pwet, hindi ko man lang natanong kung ano ang pangalan nya, sayang naman. After that, i didn't see him anymore. Mula nong araw na yon, palagi ko syang hinahanap. Lumalabas nako ng bahay para magtanong kung taga san sya, wala akong litrato o di kaya pangalan man lang. ang tanging maitatanong ko lang ay kung kaninong tindahan ba yung nasa tapat ng bahay namin.

Araw araw akong lumalabas, at puntahan ang tindahan nila. minsan ay naglalaro pako dun. isang taon na ang lumipas pero pinanghahawakan ko pa rin na babalik sya, nag promise naman sya sakin diba?

When i was in my 6th grade, may nakilala akong mga tao na nakakintindi sakin, they were 3. i treasure them so much. sabay sabay kaming kumakain, pati pag uwi sabay din. we share our weaknesses to each other, pero pag dating sa mga gantong topic tumatahimik si Lear. but i don't force her to talk.