Shit happens ✧ *:✧･ﾟ* Skins gen 2 • James Cook • Effy Stonem • Freddie McClair

Season 3 - 8.

{A/N Sorry about the little wait. I have a laptop now so it's easier to write more so you guys can look forward to that. I also had a bit of writers block, which I hate with a passion I will be launching my other Cook story sooner than you know. Has not been re-read so there's probably mistakes and things that need tweaking but it is 2.46am right now, I actually cant be arsed. Hope you love this chapter like I do - thanks for reading this far, I love you all x}

I dwell too much. This was the conclusion I got to as I lay wide awake at 3 in the morning, tossing at turning about my meeting at the canal with Cook. I thought about everything that has ever happened to me in my life very hard. None of it makes sense.  I was momentarily distracted as I heard Freddie tip toe-ing across the landing to use the toilet. That's when my phone buzzed.

I flinched as I pulled the bright phone screen close to my eyes to read whatever notification had come through. 

Cook

Meet me. In ur garden.

I roll my eyes at the message. Perhaps I shouldn't have. Considering that I wanted Cook in my life so badly, but in my world - nothing comes easy. I pulled on my dressing gown and scurried down the stairs and out of the house - before I could bump into a half asleep Freddie stumbling out of the bathroom. 

What could Cook want at 3am in the morning, considering our meeting wasn't meant to be until 7am. 

I've been worrying about hi ever so much, but I knew that he was in danger.

I slid the back door open and felt the harsh blow of the night's air graze across my skin and I stepped out and glimpsed around for a vision of Cook. My eyes locked onto a dark figure before some bushes. My heart rate multiplied and my throat forced saliva down my all of a sudden very dry mouth. "C-cook?" I whispered. The figure stepped forward, the garden light flicking in to reveal the face I recognised to be Cook's.

"I'm sorry it's so late, it's the only way I could get out to talk to you - they're all going to be awake at 7 today because they're going away this weekend." He stated. I took a step backwards so my back was against a wall and pulled a cigarette out of my dressing gown pocket, needing one to calm my nerves before I spoke a word. Over a drawn out inhale, I opened my mouth to reply. 

"Whose they?"

Cook considered me before he could reply. "Tasha and her family."

No fucking way. "What?" I questioned, half a laugh coming out as I spoke. 

"I fucked up didn't I? He's my gaffa, y'know, for the drugs and that.." He lowered his voice "He manipulated me into dating his daughter, I didn't mind for a bit, thought we might have a chance, but then her dad got worse and worse...he wants me to kill someone, India...or he's going to kill me." One single tear drop danced down his slightly illuminated face. 

"Shit." I spoke as my mind desperately whirred around to think of a plan.

"This is why we can't be together...ever, I've got to run away, for good this time, I'm leaving in two days." He said, seriously as he stepped close to me, his face exceedingly close to mine. My heart was thumping and my brain was trying to make sense of everything. No way was I going to lose his again, and for good. I tried to examine every park of his face and memorise every freckle, mark or spec I could see, as if he was going to burst out into a fit of laughter. But he didn't, he stood and waited for me to speak. 

"I actually can't come with you can I?" I winced, looking away from him.

"No, you can't" He whispered, his voice cracking. He began to cry. There is something heart wrenching about watching tears flutter from a man's face. I wanted to wipe every tear from his face and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but I couldn't, because I didn't even know if that was the truth. 

"What am I supposed to do?" I sobbed selfishly, pulling my dressing gown over me for comfort, like a child - how I so badly wanted to be a little girl again, when my only issue was what teddy I was going to bring into school the next day. 

"Find someone whose a better man then I'll ever be, someone who can look after you properly.£ He tried to smile but  the tears dropping down his face ruined his cover.

"No one can compare to you, James Cook, we're both fucked up, that's why we're mean to be together." I stated simply, trying to keep a pleading tone out of my voice. 

"It's also why we should stay apart, listen, I fucking love your bones India, I did from the moment I first laid my eyes on you, I really would kill someone for you - but I know that if I let you back into my life, you will die, and I would never be able to look at myself ever again..."

I launched myself into his arms before he could continue. He still smelt the same. My head shook slightly as I laid it on his shoulder. He was crying. Hard. He held me tight within his arms as if he wasn't going to let me go as I sobbed into him.

This is what doom felt like. I felt my heart sink into the dark pits of my wrenching stomach, it shrivelled, and it hurt. Only love could hurt this agonisingly. The thought of never speaking to him again, but this time for real...was un-imagineable. How was I meant to live with this and just accept it. This was something I'd never get over. I focused my brain hard to try and remeber every detail of this last hug with Cook. The way the fabric of his coat was itching my face slightly. I way my back was slightly arched backwards as he was taller than me. The way the wind gently whooshed past my ice cold ears. They way she rubbed my back with his thumb as he held me in our last, devastating hug.

He let go.

My face felt limp.

He cupped my hands with his face. "Listen to me carefully, we'll say a proper goodbye now, but you'll see me the last time tomorrow, Tasha want's to come round to grab some of Grace's stuff, you've got to act like nothing has happened for me, can you do that for me?"

I nodded intently before he continued. 

"You cant tell a soul India, I'm sorry. I love you so fucking much, you're so breathtakingly beautiful, I promise I considered killing the man, but I refused to marry Tasha so I think I might be a dead man walking anyway."

"Don't say that." I winced. 

He planted a long kiss on my unexpecting lips before parting away.

"If only we could turn back time, and change things - in fact, I'd do it all again, I'm the luckiest man on earth to have had you the way I did. I fucking love you." He smiled, ridden with pain.

I breathed in, looking closely at his blue eyes for the last time.

"I fucking love you too, my brave boy...maybe in another life?" I said, fighting back the most desolate tears in my life as a huge tsunami of sadness overcame me.

He was about to reply, but he turned on his heel, looked back, then walked out of the garden gate.

I couldn't say this was the last time I'd see him walk away, as Id have to see it again tomorrow, but whilst Tasha was all over him.

"Until we meet again." I whispered to myself as I stepped back into the house after hearing him get into his car.