185 Letters

Alone vs Lonely

It's been a week since Will left. The blue binder sat in his closet, only seven letters high, but feeling like a mountain. Why did he feel so lonely?

He had been hanging out with Dustin and Lucas a lot. At the arcade, biking to a lake to swim, playing DnD. He he even has been hanging out with his sisters more. Going to movies with Nancy, and playing dolls with Holly (which he liked despite his dad's glares whenever he saw. He decided he was going to be a good older brother even if that breaks his masculinity in his dad's eyes.) Hell he was hanging out with them more than he has ever before. He doesn't think he has ever played Barbies and Dig Dug so much in just a week before!

But it just wasn't the same. He felt so lonely, his grades were already dropping, and sleep never seemed to come often, but at the same time seemed to take up all his free time. He knew it wouldn't be long before his parents noticed. If his parents, specifically his dad, had one super power it would be the power to be completely absent in his life unless it had to do with numbers. His grades, his bedtime, important dates, blah blah blah.

But damn it today the loneliness was extremely bad. Even though he had El's letters which he would write back casually, the loneliness would not stop. How could he not feel better after reading love, El? She was supposed to be his girlfriend after all. He didn't understand. He thought his love for her would kick in a few hours after that kiss she gave him before she left but no. Even with the letters saying she loved him it didn't. He still felt lonely.

He didn't even go to school today. He said he was sick and his mom let him stay home and now it was around the time school was supposed to end and he still didn't feel rejuvenated. He could already hear Nancy's footsteps coming up the stairs, the clanging in the kitchen below him as his mom prepared dinner, and the soft hum of the TV as his dad watched. Oh the separate lives of the Wheelers always living in the same house but never living together.

And than he heard a knock.

He groaned and in his best sick voice -which he was surprised to find already sounded sick even while barely trying- "yeah?.."

"Hey. It's Nancy. Mom told me to bring you some soup so I'm going to open the door now." she quipped. She opened the door, seemingly occupied with her own thoughts. That was until she saw Mike who was straining himself to sit up straight in his bed bags under his eyes. "Oh." She quickly walked over, sat at the edge of his bed, placed the tray of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and milk on his lap, but did not get up.

"Okayy?..." Mike asked as a way to shoo her away. The Wheeler's where never direct in the first place so he knew she understood, but still she didn't get up. "Mike," her head snapped towards him "you know... you can talk to me right?... I mean it's not like we do that very often, but it is an option. You're my little brother after all and always will be... unfortunately." she added to keep the disconnect-from-your-feelings Wheeler tradition going, than she turned her head away from Mike and back to his not fully shut closet (that thing has never closed. It's been broken as long as Mike could remember.)

"Yeah.." Mike tries after a moment. "Yeah." Nancy responds. Another moment passes.

Mike clears his throat. "You know... I've been hanging out with you guys a lot lately. And my friends of course."  His hand fiddles with his blanket. "Y-yeah yeah... of course! And it's been very fun to hang out with you Mike..." it all feels so foreign to the both of them, but Mike continues the conversation none the less. If he doesn't have Will than maybe this is the next best thing. "Well. Than how come I still feel. So... lonely..." Mike immediately regrets opening up and pulls the yellow blanket up to cover more of him and his blue pajamas "sorry this is stupid, you should just leave you probably have homewor-"

"NOO no no!" Nancy interrupts frantically. "It's- it's not stupid Mike, it's perfectly understandable. I mean. Think about it... that last time Will was gone for a week we had a funeral for him and the last time El was gone, you thought she was dead..." Mike could feel another puzzle piece form as she spoke. "Maybe... this is just reminding you of those times you lost them. But this time, I mean, you lost them both at once. I think it's normal to feel lonely Mike. Even though you're not alone, I think it's normal."

Mike paused at that. "You can feel lonely without being alone?"

"Yes idiot. Now go and eat your soup before mom has to heat it up again. God." She said it like she was annoyed but there was a gentle smile on her face. She awkwardly taps Mikes hand and than makes her way up and towards the door. "Okay. I have homework."

Thud.

Alone with the door closed he stared at his soup. Hm. Mike decided to eat later, putting the tray to the side and getting up to get a lined piece of paper. He was gonna write this letter a little earlier today; he didn't want to loss this puzzle piece after all.