Lonely Flowers

9: the cold truth

Song: holdup - ethan tasch, claud

~~~

Zeke

The air drops at least ten degrees colder, though I might be the only one who can feel it.

I try not to openly react. There's no good reason I can think of to give Mason any idea I know Iliana. Opening up that conversation will only lead to more fucking drama. And that's the last thing I need in my life.

"No reason," I reply, trying to keep my voice neutral. "I just...was thinking...that's a pretty unique name. You don't hear it often." I hope it's more common than I think, but the sinking feeling inside me is sure we're thinking of the same person.

Vera reappears, plopping back down in her chair. "Who are you talking about?" She asks, and Patrick rejoins us too.

"My ex, Iliana."

I wince. There's no fucking way I'm letting any of them near Iliana after this. They'd never shut the fuck up about this whole...whatever this is.

"Didn't she dump you?" Vera mumbles, as though she doesn't expect anyone to actually hear her.

I'm starting to remember that too, now. I'm pretty sure Mason had only admitted it to Elijah, but word ended up spreading like wildfire anyway. Our little group even celebrated him getting dumped, taking any excuse we could to throw a party like the assholes we are.

"Yeah, but she was crazy," Mason says. "Had this whole 'shy, wholesome' thing going on on the surface, but a shit ton of baggage. She's from that shitty area on the edge of the city. You know, Oakview? So her mom had all these issues, and her dad..." He shakes his head with a dark chuckle. "Too much drama, man. Iliana was hot as fuck, though."

I pulse speeds up at that, feeling just as indignant as hearing about Hayden thinking she sounded hot. I try to convince myself it's not the same Iliana. It can't be.

But didn't she mention being from Oakview the other day?

"Her best friend was way hotter, though, but too wild. Couldn't."

God, I hate him. Comparing girls like they're objects to be kept?

Vera shoots him a look, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she says, "Yeah, I'm sure there's nothing more to that story."

He pretends not to hear her. "But I gotta say, I'd totally go back to hit," he says. "You know crazy; nothing fucks like it." His gaze lingers on Vera. I know what he's thinking, but he won't say it. Probably because around a year ago—when he was still with Iliana—I swung at him for saying it after a few to many drinks on everyone's end. It isn't too uncommon for conflict like that to erupt in our circles, so we've all 'gotten over it' by now.

But I can hold a grudge like you wouldn't fucking believe.

"Don't be so gross," Patrick glares at him.

"What? It's true, everyone knows it. Or do you not get enough, Patrick?"

"Not everyone wants to broadcast that kinda shit for the whole world to see," Patrick responds.

"Come on, relax," Mason chuckles. "It's not that serious."

Why is it bothering me that Mason used to date Iliana? And, apparently, doing other things too...but why does that matter, either? I don't even know her that well. Beyond feeling sorry for her for dealing with him, this little coincidence doesn't matter. Then again, the rumors I heard at the time causes a pit in my stomach when associated with her in particular. I never thought I'd have to meet the girl all these stories were about.

The conversation melds into different topics, but I'm paralyzed, stuck on this one reveal peeling back the layers of who Iliana is and only making me want to know more. I thought my curiosity surrounding her had only to do with the fact that she's a strange girl—technically—living with me, but this feels...different. Desperate.

I felt this the first time I saw her holding Finn, then again when I thought she was going on a date the other day, and now my wondering mind is in hyperdrive.

My misery around this whole situation must be obvious, because Vera leans towards me and asks, in a hushed voice, "You wanna give me a ride home?"

That's her way of saying, Here's an excuse for you to leave. Take it, asshole.

"Yeah," I exhale. "Let's go."

Vera and I walk outside, and it seems like it rained more since the last time I was out here. Not much, but the air is humid and the world feels like it's falling asleep. Which is exactly what I want to do.

Getting in the car, I notice Vera's mood perked up into her usual mischievous self, grinning like she knows something. "What is wrong with you?"

She just keeps smiling. She doesn't answer my question, but asks her own, "So, what's up with the gardener girl?"

Or maybe that is the answer.

"Nothing," I say, throwing the car in the drive.

"Feels like there's something going on," she insists. "You got all weird when Mason was talking about fucking. Seems like sexual frustration. Like, the kind where you're thinking of somebody. Like her."

I almost crash the car into a line of trash cans when she says that, but catch myself at the last second. I guess it's on me for forgetting she jumps at every fucking chance to make people uncomfortable. "Vera, no." I shake my head. I haven't...haven't thought about Iliana like that. I don't even think that's an option. "Don't ever say that again. I'm not into my parent's fucking gardener."

"Come on, Zeze, I know you."

"I hate that nickname." I scowl at her.

"I don't care. Look, you can tell me about this stuff. I'm all for you getting over Brooke. She was harsh as hell. And she hated me. Which is bullshit because I'm fucking delightful. But the mysterious garden girl seems nice and she's really pretty and I know her coffee order so I can bribe her into liking me with free coffee. Everybody wins."

"You sound like you're in love with her. Which I'm sure your girlfriend would be very interested in knowing."

She laughs, unaffected. "I'm just offering to be your wingwoman. God knows you'll need one with this whole tortured, not-like-other-boys thing you've got going on."

"Fucking Christ," I mutter. "I don't need a wingman. Nothing's going on."

She shrugs. "Maybe not yet, but I know you well enough to know you've got something on your mind, and it isn't just about our old shitty friends."

I don't give her the satisfaction of a response as we pull up to her family's home. It's a long bungalow style house, painted blue all over. It's looked the exact same since we were kids, especially the way her older brother Halen is perched on the front porch waiting for her.

"I didn't know you were home!" Vera laughs, getting out the car and rushing to him.

Halen grins at her. "Got home while you were gone. Figured I'd play 'dad with a shotgun' in case you came back with some girl. But I'll let Zeke slide."

I nod to him. "Appreciate it, bro. How's New York?"

"Shitty as ever, but that's what I moved there for, you know?"

"Hell yeah." I give him a wave. "Catch you later, man."

"Drive safe, Z."

They disappear inside. For a moment, I just wait outside, thinking about what Vera said. She has a tendency to take small things and run away to hell with them. She can't be right about this, of all things.

Sighing aloud for no one but myself, I start the car again, my brain still fucking reeling.

How the hell am I gonna face Iliana knowing what I know?

~~~