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09 • Are You Nuts?

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I did not bring my A game to the Oiled Olive on Saturday night

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I did not bring my A game to the Oiled Olive on Saturday night. The following weekend was even worse.

After days of watching Denny struggle to eat and manage his pain, I wasn't feeling much like Maverick. I was working my usual routine, trying to be the Maverick everyone wanted me to be, but I was so distracted I almost dropped the bride I was dancing with on stage after she reached down and grabbed a fistfull of my balls.

"Whoa, easy there. Those are attached," I said, regaining my grip on her.

"I want you and your friend Iceman to come up to our hotel after the show. Me and my bridesmaids want to see just how good your heat-seeking missile is."

Normally, I would've given her a kind smile and gently played off this proposition like I usually did when women asked me back to their hotel room, but I wasn't in the mood. Maybe I'd reached my ball-grabbing limit after the week I'd had.

"I'm a dancer. Not a date."

"I'm sure you could be for ten grand. That's the going rate, isn't it?" she asked, her hand moving up my shaft like it was some kind of gear shifter. "I promise I'll make it worth your while."

Ten grand? This bride wasn't just asking for sex. She wanted me to be a... prostitute.

Was this who I'd become?

I set her down on the chair, trying to keep my cool. "The answer is still no."

That's when she slapped me, and not in a playful way.

I was so shocked that instead of finishing our dance, I walked off the stage.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she shouted after me.

Great question, I thought as I pulled back the black curtains. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I was angry at myself. I was angry at Denny for choosing to die. After the show last night, I'd sat up with him until four in the morning, listening to stories about his time in the Marines and the friends he'd fallen out of touch with over the years because he was in too much pain to sleep.

I'd urged him to take something stronger than Ibuprofen for the pain—if not for his benefit, then for mine. Watching him shake was almost more than I could bear.

"I'll take the damn pain meds if you call the girl. The one who came up to see you the other night."

I shook my head, tears in my eyes. "She's just gonna say no, if she even answers at all, Denny."

This is what I was terrified of, not just being rejected by a random agent but being rejected by Maren. Getting a rejection from her was like being rejected as a person, not just an actor.

"Now stop being stubborn and take the damn pills."

The old man looked me square in the eye and scowled. "You're a god damned coward, rotor head. Get out of here and leave me alone."

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