Thee Other Woman

~15~

                      In Retrospect
It’s been almost six months now. Nothing special has happened, and I have recently convinced myself nothing will. Every day, like clockwork, we go to class, hangout, smile at each other occasionally, exchange hugs, and then part ways. As friends, Kai and I have become closer. I am happy about that, but I feel like I had this beautiful bird in my arms and it just flew away. What’s worse, the bird seems to have landed on the arms of someone else.
So, remember that clique of well-to-do girls who literally dress to kill me? Kai has also become quite close with them. I will be understating this if I say I have been dying with jealousy. Then again, I know it is not in my place to be jealous. He was never mine to begin with. The problem is, with my anxiety and esteem issues which come and go according to situations, this distance that their association has created between Kai and me makes me constantly compare myself to them. We all know I am no match. Well, you might know otherwise but I am convinced.
That is a minor issue compared to the fact that for the past three weeks or so, Kai has been hanging out with this girl. She is beautiful, skinny, with a tinny gap between her front teeth. So I understand why there may be a pull taking him towards that direction. Someone mentioned the other day during lunch that they are dating. That someone had no idea I have been invested in a non-existent relationship with Kai for months. The pain I felt listening to that gossip. So it’s Monday morning, after a lengthy weekend of grandma pestering me about chores and whatnot, and barely chatting with Kai which I have not integrated with my days as vital. As the universe shall have it, the first people I see when I make entrance into the school compounds is the dynamic duo, in all their love and glory. I want to take a handful of soil and swallow so I can die, maybe. I have not been through worse torture, and this is just the beginning of the day.