Me Plus You

I shouldn't be here...

Stella sat down on Severides bunk an hour later after Hailey had left.

Her mouth was dry. Grant was in a coma. Sadness flooded her. She had always known this day would come one day. Grant had always struggled with his addiction and despite her having tried for years to help him before finally giving up about five years ago, he had never got there.
The last time she had seen him was in New York in a dark, shoddy bar where his band were playing. He had begged her to support him and like the fool that she had been then, she had agreed. Grant had had the tell tale white powder residue on his nostrils as if his hyper behaviour wasn't a dead giveaway that he had been snorting. This was even as he was adamantly denying it to her.
As she sat opposite the pitiful person he was, she made a decision. She had been signing up to help him forever and she had been failing but it was enough. She was done.

"You O.K?" Severide came and sat down next to her.

Stella nodded wearily. "Yeah, I guess."
There was a silence for a a few moments where both were alone with their thoughts.

Why would anyone intentionally poison Grant? She knew that he had always used the same dealer for years but it sounded like someone had offered him a snort and the addict in him would not have been able to resist. She wondered with a detached part of her brain if he would die. Grant and Stella had shared a lot of young history, most of it troubled. If it hadnt been for the car accident which had made her change her life, she pretty much knew that she would have followed the same path as him and would likely not even have survived this long. And had Grant had the same epiphany that day, maybe he wouldnt now be lying in that hospital bed.

Hailey had also shared that the footage from the door app hadn't yielded anything useful except they could rule out Fletcher and lawyer Sam from the attempted break in because the build of the man on the camera was not consistent with either of them.

"You know, I thought he was getting better."

Severide took in her dejected demeanour. Her shoulders were slumped and her eyes were dull.

"Did he use a lot?" He asked and she nodded.

" Yeah... he used to but his girlfriend Abby told me a year ago that although he wasnt clean, he had it under control..... guess once a junkie..."
She colored anf stopping speaking as if she was about to say something that she shouldn't.

"What?"

"Nothing." She looked away.

" Stella?" Severide was not very good at leaving things alone. He sensed she had been about to share something important.

Stella's chin came up as she faced him. His gaze was inquisitive but gentle. If she told him would he look at her differently? She guessed he would. Why wouldn't he? Most people she had known had shunned her in those years after she left Grant. But Stella wasn't someone who often ran away from a direct question.

"I was as bad as him back in the day." She kept her eyes fixed on his, steeling herself for his disgust or at least disapproval.

"Bad as him?..... you mean using?"
Severide's face remained impassive.

Stella nodded. " I was a junkie. In my late teens, and even when we got married."

If he was shocked he hid it well.

"But you got better..." It was a statement.

Stella nodded. "Yeah.. I sorted my life out. He didn't....." She smirked to herself. " By rights I shouldn't be here but someone up there .." she looked heavenward " was looking out for me. Not so much for Grant I guess."

Severide was silent. He wanted to ask her more and would have asked her more but an inner voice told him now wasnt the time. If there was one thing he understood, it was addiction. Maybe soon he would share with her how far down the dark tunnel he had gone himself.