Stories from My Life

An Intro to Different Life Values and Worldviews

These are usually the three emotions I consider the most likely to make people suicidal. If not, it's the most likely to make me suicidal. Feeling sad about the loss of someone you knew and loved who died or left you behind is one thing. Feeling alone because there is no one in the room to talk to is a feeling that bothers people. Feeling angry because you know you have the right to be mad at someone doesn't give you a reason to feel bad about yourself.

Feeling jealous when you know your jealousy is valid is more than acceptable. Feeling bitter when people don't excuse the things they did that might have even given you reason to never forgive them is not necessarily important enough to make you feel worthless. Not forgiving those who are not sorry, don't apologize and never forgave you either is okay. Isn't it?

Having reason to be angry at someone is relieving and pure downright joy in a sense. For me it is sometimes. It takes the focus off what I've done wrong and the type of person I am underneath the mask I  wear that says I'm not neurotic, mentally ill, dishonest and a waste of time to my family, friends, the people I know and I never was.

Feeling guilty is one thing. Being guilty is the real thing. Feeling fear when you shouldn't and admitting to yourself that you're acting like a coward is like that. Feeling embarassed because people saw you do that little thing you weren't supposed to do is one thing. But feeling guilty to the point of it being all consuming because you know you have a reason to hate yourself is truly depressing. There is no comfort for; no escaping from that feeling. Knowing you are not the type of person God created you to be is infinitely depressing if you think that there's no way you can change yourself for the better.

And that's true. You can't change on your own. We all need God to become better people. And sometimes - or oftentimes depending on one person to the other - we call ourselves Christians even though we don't love the people who don't deserve to be loved. If that is what God is like and being a Christian is about being like God, what the use of saying one thing and acting another way?

Many of use human beings have heard of hypocrites. Many of us talk about people who wear two faces and don't follow through on their words. We talk about people who expect others to be everything they're not - people who don't practice what they preach. We label others as self righteous, moralistic and viewing themselves as perfect when they're worthless and act like others need to be as worthy of respect as they are. But we don't want to admit that many of us also either show double standards in the way we think or our actions.

We tell people to be honest and yet we lie to ourselves about what we're doing with our own lives. We tell people to not label others and not tell us what to do but we still command them to work harder, spare their untimely jealousy, keep their bitterness and impatience to themselves and sometimes even forgive us when we're not sorry.

It can make you forget about all the years of your own life that you wasted; especially the time that you wasted on purpose that wasn't even interesting and didn't teach you anything meaningful other than to hate yourself. It takes the focus off of the fact that we're all sinful human beings created by one God who we need to answer Him to for our mistakes.

Well, there's a difference between making a mistake and sinning. In the atheist and so-called Christian psychology type of world culture we're used to - the only faults us human beings really have are called mistakes. After all, if you are your own God, you can't sin - not against yourself and not against others either - if you wrong others, what type of God are you?

Because most psychology systems believe that there's such a thing as taking advantage of others, being evil, being selfish or having a personality that's not good enough. There's a reason why people should know the difference between right and wrong. But right and wrong or prioritizing the rest of the world above yourself isn't really what life is about to them. It's about accepting, understanding, getting to know and loving or improving yourself to shine your own light; for your own good.