Childhood friends (Fruk)

9

"Just kiss me," He spoke.

I felt him hold my head toward him and I felt so shook. I wanted to kiss him back, but this felt so wrong. "Arthur, we can't; you are married, and I... I can not kiss you back like this," I said. I pulled away from him, and he looked at me with tear-filled eyes. I was lying on the bed and felt him put his head on my chest. He suddenly began sobbing, and I felt his tears make my shirt get wet. I started to wrap my arms around him and held him closely. The way he kissed me did not feel real, and it was like he just needed an escape. "Arthur, I love you dearly, but you can not try to find ways to escape your problems," I said seriously. My heart was shattering, and I knew he did not feel the same way as I did.

He looked at me, shocked, and I began to lift myself. "Francis? How am I supposed to take that?" He asked. I felt my heart beat fast as our faces got closer. "You know, I would never lie to you, so this is me not lying to you. I love you, Arthur; I love you so much it hurts. I have loved it for a long time and will never stop. You are the reason to live, and I was miserable being away from you these past few years. I could not love my wife as much as I loved you. We are friends, and I love our relationship, so I will not ask for more. However, you need to understand why I do the things I do, why I care for you and why I am harsh. You are everything to me, and I die inside every day when I realize how much pain you are in."

His eyes widened at my confession, and I placed my right hand on the nape of his neck. I moved closer to him, and he continued to stare at me. "Francis, What do you mean when you say you love me?" His cheeks started to change color, and I held him closely. "Exactly what you are thinking, I mean it romantically, but I will never do anything to ruin our relationship. I just want to see you happy," I explained.  His eyes widened at what I said, and he sat back. This was his way of rejecting my feelings. "Francis, I love you too, but it is the love I have for my close friends; I would not want to ruin that," He spoke sadly. I smiled at him and nodded. "I know, do not worry about that."

My heart shattered, but I knew this would happen.

I grabbed his cheeks gently and urged him to look at me. I held his cheeks softly, and his eyes widened. I started to career his cheek with my thumb, and his jaw dropped slightly. "I am fine being friends if it means I can be around you as much as I want; I will always be here for you," I smiled. I reached my left hand up to his hair, and he flinched slightly, closing his eyes. When was the last time someone touched him lovingly?

I started to rub his head gently, and his eyes opened, and looked at me. His eyes started to swell up with tears, and I continued to smile at him. "Francis...?" He started. "Yes?" I asked, smiling. His face was getting pink.

Then suddenly, a darker rose color.

Then suddenly, a darker shade of red.

Then his face lit up like a bright red light as he stared at me.

"Uhh, I-I-I..."

I laughed at his stumbling words and leaned closer to him. "It is okay; you do not need to say anything," I smiled. I slowly kissed his cheek and looked up at him with a smile. His face looked too stunned to speak. Even if he did not love me back, I knew I would still love him with all of my soul. I slowly pulled away from him, and he silently placed a hand on his cheek.

I began to rub circles in his back and felt him tense up, then soon relaxed. "That feels nice," He laughed nervously."Do you want me to continue?" I laughed a little. He looked up at me, and his face started to go down from the redness. "If you want to," He laughed nervously. I take that as a yes, then. I continued to rub his back, and he closed his eyes. I smiled at how funny he looked as I did it.

He started to fiddle his thumbs and look away from me. I lifted an eyebrow, a little confused, and his demeanor suddenly changed. "Tomorrow, my wife wants everyone to get together; I hope you will still come?" He asked. "Yes, of course, I will; if it means I get more time to see you, I am for it," I smiled. He looked up at me, and his eyes were filled with stars. He looked happy at what I had just told him. He must have wanted me to come if that was the reaction he gave me.

A smile spread across my face as I felt so much love for him. I screwed up those years ago, and maybe things would have been different if I had just told him how I felt.

So many things would not have happened, well, assuming he accepted my feelings. However, I was not sure if he would have now. There will be no way for me ever to find out, and I'm okay with that. "Thank you so much, Francis; I really appreciate you a lot, how you have always been there for me. You are more than what I could have ever asked for in someone. Although I can not give you the feelings back, just know deep down I love you, very-very deeply," he said seriously. My eyes widened at what he said, and I nodded. "I know," was all I said.