After All This Time (Steddie)

Ch. 3: Realization.

Tw; drinking, anxiety

~🖤K

I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders just knowing that I can in fact have the same attraction to everyone equally, and it's okay. I have to talk to Robin. She always seems to know what to tell me in situations like this I swear.

I can't just tell Eddie that I found all this out because of him. I can't tell him that he's what's sparked this ignition inside me and made me have all these confusing ass thoughts. Not yet. For one that's going to inflate his already swollen ego. I don't know if I can do that right now. He's my best friend. I can't fuck that up. Can I?

"I need a cigarette." I look at Eddie and he hands me one, lighting it for me. My hands are shaking. "You good? I can give you something stronger. You look like you've seen a ghost." Eddie tries to lighten the mood a bit by cracking a joke but the truth is as much weight that took off me now I have to deal with the repercussion of admitting my sexuality out loud to someone for the first time to the person who made me question everything to begin with. I can't tell him can I? Fuck I need to call Robin so bad I'm panicking.

"I uh... I think I should go home?" He looks confused but nods. "Alright man. Just uhm. Call me later okay? I wanna make sure you're okay. I'll give it some time to sink in for you. I know this is a lot. Coming to terms with how to feel can be... well. Overwhelming."

"I will. I'll call you. I promise. See you later" I give him a hug before I leave and he holds on a little tighter than usual. It feels nice. Like home wrapped up in a person. He smells like his cologne mixed with weed and smoke. It makes my head spin. I let go, giving him a bit of a smile, and head out the door.

I get into my car and start driving. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" I slam my hands repeatedly on the steering wheel trying my best to drive at a normal pace. This is stupid right? There's no possible way I can have feelings for Eddie. I'm just infatuated right?  But my god does he make me feel like no one else ever has. I can't get my mind to sit still. "Focus. One thing at a time. Go home. Call Robin. She'll know what to do."

I finally pull into my apartments, park and run upstairs. I fumble with my keys and finally manage to get the door open. It's unlocked? "Hello?!" I call out. I can hear the radio on in my kitchen. "Dingus!" Robin pops her head from around the corner. "Oh my god you're here?! What! When did you get here?! Wait. Why are you here?!" She wraps me up in a huge hug. "I'm on break from school and I figured I'd pop by and say hi. No one was home when I got here so I called over to Eddie's and he said you were headed back home so hi hello I'm here and I missed you!"

A wave of relief hits me knowing I don't have to make a call and sit on an empty phone line waiting to talk to my friend. "Shit I missed you too. Let's order pizza, I'm starving. And boy do I have a lot to talk to you about."

-time skip through pizza being delivered and discussing what just happened-

"So let me get this right. You like both?" I nod taking a bite out of my pizza. "Yes. Everyone. Well not everyone but like... people I'm attracted to? Yes. All of those. Boys. Girls. I don't care. All." She smiles. "Well shit Steve welcome to the queer club. We should make tshirts." Of course she would say that. I've missed her a lot.

I grab us a couple of beers from my fridge and sit down on the edge of the couch with my head in my hands. "Okay so opening up about your attraction to men. Check. But what's wrong, Steve? You still look so distraught. I'm here to chat. I won't leave until we're through this. We can drink and cry if you need to. Just talk to me." I nod, taking a long sip from my beer.

"Rob, am I allowed...to look at him like that?" She looks over at me, confused. "What do you mean?" I set my beer down on the table and lean back on the couch, looking at the ceiling. "Could it be wrong? He's just so.. nice to look at." I let out a long sigh. "Oh babe. It's okay..." she puts her hand on my arm to try to comfort me. "When he held me this morning I woke up and all I could smell was a mix of cologne, leather and smoke? It was... intoxicating. I can't describe how it made me feel. But I freaked out Robin. I panicked and basically threw myself out of his arms. I... I'm so fucking lame." I feel my eyes start to well up.