After All This Time (Steddie)

Ch. 5: Eyes Like Amber

TW; very fluff. Love. Anxiety.

The morning light is very dim outside when I finally wake up. Eddie still wrapped around me. I run my fingers through his curly mess of hair and kiss the top of his head which makes him snuggle into me more. But he's still very much asleep. I still feel all of the rush of emotion I felt last night, lingering in my brain with some kind of magic afterglow.

I glance over at the clock and it reads 6:30 AM. Still much too early to be awake but I just feel like I should lay here and enjoy every single moment of having this wonderful man in my arms. I cannot believe that last night even really happened. I managed to open up, talk about my feelings like it wasn't a big deal. By some miracle I didn't chicken out and mumble through. But really actually talk about how deeply connected and invested in this budding relationship I really am. A relationship? With Eddie? Who would have actually thought that it could end up like this?

My change in breathing must have made Eddie realize I was awake and he lets out a yawn. "Why are you up? Go back to sleep you weirdo." He presses his face to my shoulder and kisses it. "I'm not sure why I'm awake. Just can't manage to fall back asleep. I don't feel like this is real." He tries to pull me closer to him. I don't think we could possibly be any closer together unless he cut my belly open and crawled inside of me. "Oh it's real, I'm real." My throat starts to feel tight and my eyes get heavy and watery. I try to swallow but my attempt fails and I feel a tear roll down my cheek into Eddie's hair that's sprawled across the pillows. It's quickly followed by another. I'm trying to make it stop before he notices but it's too late. "Oh baby why are you crying? Are you okay?" He sits himself up so he's looking at my face. "Did you have another nightmare? Let me fix it."

He starts kissing my face where every tear falls. I don't think I've let myself actually cry in a long time. A year or two maybe? "No it's not that. I just... fuck Eds I'm so happy but I'm so scared." My brain completely melts down. I'm scared of what people are going to say. I'm scared of what this could potentially do to our friendship. I'm scared I'm going to lose him. I can't lose him. I crumple down into the fetal position and he pulls me to his chest. "Why are you scared? Talk to me." He pets my hair and I keep letting the tears fall. "Eddie I can't lose you. You're my best friend. What if I fuck everything up?"

"Steve..." he tries to pull back. "Hey... look at me." I open up my eyes so I can look at his face. He's so tired still, I can tell. And here I am sobbing at 6 in the morning. I can't get out of my head. This isn't fair. He shouldn't have to clean up my messes.

"Listen to me. Please just listen. You don't have to talk or reply to anything I'm about to say. Okay?" I sniffle and nod, trying to wipe my eyes a bit so I can see him more clearly. "You don't have to worry about a damned thing. I'm here for you. I've always been here for you and that's not going away. Okay? Please don't worry. You're not going to fuck anything up. Even if we don't end up working, even if this thing we've started just ends up being some sort of... I don't know. Experiment? Maybe that's not the right word. Experience? That might be better. Even if it ends up just as an experience for you and I to learn from, you're not going to lose me. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

A small smile creeps across my face. "Eddie I-" he cuts me off by kissing me. This kiss is different than the others I've experienced in the last 24 hours. Each one a completely different feeling. This one felt like pulling myself down into a warm bath. It was like summer nights. Warm cups of tea. Comforting. It filled my senses with the most intense feelings but at the same time numbed my brain to any aching I had. It was reassuring and so full of...love? Could this be what actual love feels like?

I swear I've felt love before. I thought I felt it with Nancy when I admitted it in the bathroom at thre party all those years ago. But this moment, and all the small moments we've had in the last day together was something altogether new. I feel like I'm finally home. How can one person that I was infatuated with for a long time without admitting it to anyone, not even myself, make me feel like this so quickly. One date. A few shared kisses. Holding him close for one night.

Maybe I've always loved him. Maybe all this was just to confirm that comfortable feeling we've always shared in the quiet moments. Oh god what am I supposed to do now? I can't tell him can I? Or have I already with this kiss?

We finally break apart. His eyes flutter open and look into mine. I sigh and rest my forehead against his. Hoping maybe he can read my mind. "Steve I love you. I.. I think I have for a long time."

A real smile comes through this time. My mind stops spinning. We pull our heads apart and I look at him. His eyes are full of questions and I can feel from having this close he also is filled to the brim with anxiety. "Say something. Please? I'm freaking out here." He lets out a nervous laugh. "Eddie fuckin Munson." I shake my head and laugh lowly to myself. "I love you." I push my head against his again. "I love you. God that feels good to say."

We let the quiet just sit between the two of us for what feels like hours but really it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. "No take backs. Remember?" I chuckle and kiss him softly. "No take backs."

He kisses me again. And again. The soft kisses turn hungrier. He pulls himself on top of me and I run my hands up his shirt to his sides, leaving goosebumps in their tracks. He sits back on my thighs, looking down at me smiling.

"Steve Harrington. Be mine. Let's make this thing official? Can we say, that we're boyfriends now?" He leans back down and kisses me again and whispers against my lips "please?" And sits back up again. My god he's so beautiful. The early morning sunlight is coming into the room reflecting off of his eyes. They're golden in this light. Like pools of amber. I can see different shades of brown through his hair and his skin looks so soft and warm. "I'd love nothing more than to be yours." He lets out a sigh in relief and lays down on me, resting his head on my chest. My heart is pounding from the intensity of the kisses, I'm sure he can hear it.

"Do you work today?"

"Nope. It's my day off." I mindlessly play with his curls enjoying the weight of him laying on me. I can feel his breaths become more shallow, he must be falling back asleep again. I let my mind rest, zoning out on the ceiling above us.

I'd die if I could come back and live in this moment again. Over and over again. There's no doubt in my mind. I've fallen deeply in love with this man. It's just taken me years to sort out my own shit to figure it out. Why couldn't I have just let him in sooner?