New Girl In Swellview: Chenry Fanfiction

💔 irrelevant hope💔

Chars POV

Today was one of the best days l have ever had sometimes l wish l had  chloe and hen in my pre - swellview life  now it's time to go back home and face reality wait does it even deserved to be called a home

"Were where you missy ha you think you can go and whore around and l wouldn't know it  "  ma seethes before turning on the lights honestly today l just don't have the energy for this
"Answer me child"  she says before spitting on the ground  there's so much hate ,anger pain in that one sentence where is the woman l used to know where is the woman who would sing me lullaby's where's the  woman l had grown to call my mom  ,l can see her walking closer l hold my breath awaiting what's to  come but it never does the excruciating pain that always has me reeling to the ground wishing this ungodly torment would end instead l can feel her rough hands caress my cheeks wiping away the stray tears that were cascading down my face l  hadn't realized l was crying funny right l tried to move away but she had me held into place l didn't struggle l just kept rooted into place

"Sometimes l feel like am floating out of my body and am looking down on myself on us and I hate what I see I wish I knew how to fix but I don't"

I heard her mumble these words before blacking out on me   gosh what is wrong with this women at times l just don't understand her she always does this at times where she gets passionate at times and completely goes wankers a few seconds later .

I release a groan as l drag her body to the couch honestly l wander why l even bother why l even care and why l even try it's not like she gives a fuck about me at all l guess this just proved am a good human . After dragging her body l place a kiss on her forehead before quickly retreating l don't know what am afraid of but am sure it shouldn't be like this putting a cover on her l decide to head upstairs to get some sleep maybe  just maybe there's still hope left for her maybe underneath that bitterness my mother is there they say hoping is sometimes bad thing funny right

After reaching my room l don't feel like showering so l just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling with my head phones on full blast as l listened to
it wasn't me it was Patricia by Anna clendening

The scariest place l have ever been is in my own head ,around 2 am
The room it will spin and l' ll feel sick
My chest it heaves and l cannot breathe
I'm panicking frantically  so depressed manically
Pop a few pills to maybe do the trick

Cause no amount of music can cover the screams
No television shows can hide the voices it seems
I'm sitting in my bed with my hands over my head wishing it was all just a dream

Silence is the loudest thing that's ever filled my head voices telling yelling l should be dead
When's it gonna stop
Never they said ........ U better off dead

I played the song over and over again letting the lyrics sink deeper and deeper allowing the music to consume ever had this moment where u feel a song just speaks to you . Honestly the words my mom said keeping running over and over in my mind like a white noise l know hopping for a change in her is simply futile and l really miss knowing what love feels like I wish for once she cared about me  ,she could see that am hurting l wish she was a mother l wish she loved me but these are all just pure and empty wishes

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Summer💋💓