blue

chapter 14

It got worse quickly. As it worsened the fresh scratches and cuts became harder to hide.

She picked a dumb spot to hurt herself. The most obvious place. 

The weather grew warmer and track season began. Which meant tank tops at meets. But she still couldn't stop, no matter how much she tried she'd fail. The longest she could go was a week, usually less. 

For about a month she did it every. single. day.

She hoped nobody would notice.

Except one day, when the sun was blinding and she wore a long-sleeved warm hoodie, she practiced hurdles. And it was so hot out. 

She always overheated so easily, let alone exercising in a hoodie on a hot day.

So she made up her mind and pushed her sleeves up to her elbows. 

One of her closest friends at the time knew about her self harm. The girl figured she wouldn't be judged since her friend had done it in the past. 

With a plastic knife from a school lunch on her hand while at school. Doing that seemed attention-seeking, but she hoped her friend wouldn't hurt herself just for attention.

Some days, the girl's friend would make her roll her sleeves up or force her to show her the new injuries. The girl was repulsed by this and hated it, but she thought her best friend only had her best interests at heart.

Drip. Drop. Drip.

On that boiling spring day, she tried her hardest to conceal her forearm. 

But her friend asked to see it and the girl knew there would be no way to refuse.

Disgust. Revulsion. Suspicion. Annoyance. Judgement.

Shocked questions went unanswered. Her friend barely bother to conceal her anger. 

The girl didn't know what she had done to herself. 

She didn't know why.

It isn't deep, just some scratches she told her friend. The girl's reply was met with rolling eyes and a dismissive glare. 

Practice continued on.