Life, Not Roses

Misfortunate But Opportune

ihop,
a classic american breakfast restaurant
with a blue and red collaborative roof
entailing ridges that gave it edge
and a big blue sign with 'ihop' in cartoonish looking letters
we stood in front
counting how much cash each of us had
while we waited on amitola's older sister
i only remember seeing her once
so i scanned the crowd looking for black short haired girl
with beads and trinkets
about 5'3 i'd assume
until someone behind us calls out

"Hey kiddos!" Amitola's older sister wraps her arm around Amitola.

"You are so damn late!" Amitola shoved her to the side.

"Sorry.. Jeez!" She threw her hands up, "Anyways I'm Linda,"

"Hey, I love all the stuff in your hair!" Jia winked.

Zuri pulled her away, "Ugh, stop!"

"Oh, and here's my bestie Alice!" Amitola announced.

"Yeah, I remember you," She grinned, waving my way.

i could only wave and make a slight smile
all i could think about was that stupid ihop
and the stupid food,
the way it smelt
and how everyone smiled so graciously
how my dad was still so damn happy
how he kissed her
how he looked at her the way he looked at me
and how she looked like every other american girl there

"Alice?" Amitola put her hand on my shoulder, " We're heading inside.."

"Oh shit, sorry guys," I managed to mutter before being dragged into the one place I can't stand.

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i cant go a day without something demoralizing
but the warm lighting is like fire on my face
and the crisp cold drinks
and the polished wooden tables
and the smell of eggs and pancakes that stills becomes daunting time to time
it's not that bad
if i don't remember his face
or what happened afterwards
or how it left small marbles of memories in my head
and however hard i tried to shake it out
it just taunted me
knowing i could never get rid of it
so i hid it,
trying to enjoy my morning
trying to look happy by covering my face with menus

"So.." Linda awkwardly sighed, " How's school going for you guys,"

"It sucks!" Zuri rasped

"I agree, 8th grade was the shit!" Elena snickered

"Compared to ninth grade, yeah!" Amitola bantered, "What do you think Alice?"

"Uhm, well.." I started choking on my words, "It was kind of the worst year for me,"

"Damn, what happened?" Jia questioned.

"I don't really want to.." I couldn't even really speak.

"You alright..?" Linda had witnessed my tears flood my eyes.

"I just have to-" I sniffed starting to break down, "run to the bathroom,"

i just rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom
all i could do was lock myself in the stall
and wait until i couldn't cry anymore
so i stared at the dusty white tiles
with grey mystery sand in between the cracks
the metal tiny trash can
that felt like a cold slushy brushing across your arm
then i heard a knock on my stall
shaking the delicate walls

"Huh?" I wiped my nose with my arms.

"Hey it's Amitola.." Amitola muffled, "What the hell happened?"

"Uhm.. I don't know I just need to calm down.."

"You're so fucking annoying," Amitola snarled, "This was supposed to be a good time!"

"Well I'm sorry, but I just need to take a break," I mumble, hiding the fact I was crying.

"You always do fucking do this!"

"Do what, Amitola?"

"Today was supposed to be important, and now everyone is worried about you so can we please hurry up and do this later?"

"What is so damn important?"

"You know what, fuck you Alice!" Amitola snapped, "When your done whatever's more important than me you can go fucking home."

i wanted to scream
to break everything in my body
but i had nothing left in me
i just opened my stall
grabbed my purse
and walked home
i couldn't even hear anything
i could just see lips moving
people walking and lights flashing in my eyes
im sure everyone saw my face
they could tell i was crying
i couldn't care less anymore
i just wanted to go home

————————————-————————————-————————————-————————————-

i opened my door and ran to my mom's room
curling into her arms,
not caring if she was asleep or not

"Honey, what's the matter?" She turned to me with a worn-out look.

"I just.." I started to tear up again.

"You know what, we'll talk about it later." My mom wrapped her arms around me.

i just gripped my hands onto her arms
i finally felt her again
i finally could hear her old voice
i never wanted to let go
i felt her long black hair
her smooth skin
i wished i could disintegrate into her smooth skin
or get intertwined in her long hair
maybe that way she wouldn't leave me ever again
nothing in this world would make me forget this moment

if there are any mistake please let me know! I'm finally coming out with a longer post but the next one will definitely be short..