My Darling | Theodore Nott

Year Six (II)

Maddie did not like being alone.

She lay restlessly in her bed as she thought of him. How mean he had been to her. How kind. How each action seemed to contradict the next.

An elephant of guilt sat on her chest. Theo had a girlfriend. An elegantly tall, golden haired, blue eyed beauty of a girlfriend. And Maddie was the other woman.

She wanted to scream into her pillow but she was too paranoid of her roommates hearing her, and asking what was wrong. What wasn't wrong?

All Maddie ever did was try. To be beautiful. To be clever. To be witty. To be loved. But it was never enough. For anyone ever. It always came with strings.

Hot tears slid down the sides of her face as she stared at the ceiling.

Maddie had to be a secret.

Maddie always had to treat silver as if it were gold. And it was to her. Humiliatingly, and truthfully, Theo's silver was her gold.

Because it meant she could have him. After years of pining. After failed relationships, and heartache. Some restless little flame in her heart wanted him.

She didn't know what it was. Maybe it was because she was a girl, or because she had a heart and a soul, and a wild irrational need to be loved- they were the same really- Once she kissed someone she missed them. She wondered who else they were with. If they missed her too.

She felt dirty. And vile. She had kissed him moments after witnessing Lavender debase herself with a soulless cretin.

She did not want anything. Any of this. Any of the feeling. She was done with it.

Maybe she should join a convent. It would make her other abuela happy.

Maybe she would kill everyone and then herself. No. That would take to long. And it would hurt Carlos' feelings.

Maddie got up out of her bed and went into the bathroom.

It was narcissistic, yes, but Maddie liked to do her makeup when she cried. Watery eyes were slowly covered in shimmery eyeshadow and the tears staining her cheeks glittered.

She forced a smile onto her face as she did her blush.

Maddie washed her face with water, cold water. She loathed the water systems in Britain. The two faucettes, one hot and one freezing. There existed a middle ground, or I'd there existed a middle ground, Maddie failed to find it.

"Maddie." Whispered Padma. Maddie turned to her. "What is it?"

"...nothing."

"Did you kill someone?"

"No."

"I'd understand." Said Padma. "Was it Carlos?"

"No." Said Maddie. Her hands were shaking.

"You've got Nott face."

"I do not."

"Mmhmm, been like this since second year, Mads." Said Padma approaching her. "I recognize it. Come on then. What did he do? Did he kiss his girlfriend?"

Maddie looked down. Padma held her shoulders.

"It's not on you, yeah? They'll always pick the blue eyed blonde." Said Padma softly. "Doesn't mean she's prettier. Just means he's blind."