IMP-loyee of the Month

Prologue: the interview

"So, you got any special skills?"

I had just finished adjusting my seat when that question hit me. "Oh, uh, I didn't know this job required special skills." I replied. "Well, I gotta be honest with you, kid, this job is actually kinda top secret. I really should just kill you for knowing about it." The imp says to me. "It is? But, you literally have 'help wanted' posters littered down the street." I reply, remembering how I found this place because one blew into my face. "We do have 'help wanted' flyers on the street, yes," He says. I try to put the pieces together but my brain is only getting more confused. "Did you not know, that the job was top secret?" I ask. "I'm the one asking the questions here, so let's get back to the task at hand, okay?" He replies. "Oh, yeah, right. Special skills. Um, I can fit into small spaces, so that's great if like, anyone else has claustrophobia or something. I'm great at hand to hand combat, I actually have my lucky razor blade with me, it's good at getting me out of jams and stuff. I've been told that I'm good in bed, and I probably should not have told you that one." I say when I see the guy's eyes go wide as he looks me up and down. "Okay. Um, I will be right back with your results, you just sit tight here." The guy says before picking up a folder and leaving. "Wait, results? Was there a DNA test? Do you need me to pee in a cup or stick a QTip in my nose or something?" I ask too late. I don't get an answer. I sit awkwardly and look around the messy office. Papers everywhere, a weird looking plant in the corner, a whole bunch of miniature horses on a shelf, a coffee mug on the desk reads 'Boss Bitch'. Next to the mug is two bobbleheads who look like they could be related to the imps I saw outside. Soon, the imp returns, with a big target. He places it on the wall behind me, then drags a mirror and puts it in front of me. He then stands me up facing the mirror, and puts a gun in my hand. "Alright, buddy. This is your big test. Hit the target without turning around." He says. "Sir, I don't think I can shoot the gun without turning around." I question, considering I can't. "It's fine. Just, whenever you're ready, go." He says. I shrug my shoulders. "Okay." is all I say, before without looking, I take out my lucky razor blade and throw it backwards toward the target. If the mirror indicates correctly, I landed a bullseye. The imp stands there with his jaw on the floor. I give him back the gun and retrieve my razor blade. I turn to him. "So, Mr. Blitzo, how'd I do?" I ask. He finally regains his composure.

"You start Monday." He replies.