IMP-loyee of the Month

Chapter 10: cheeseburgers and a movie

"With that display, models don't need to stick their fingers in their mouths anymore, all they need to do is look at you two." I say when I make the mistake of walking in on Moxxie and Millie in the middle of extreme tongue wrestling. "Well, if them models can't stand love, we'll just keep doing our thing." Millie replies, still on Moxxie's lap. Her arm is moving, which means she's probably looking for something in Moxxie's pants that has yet to be discovered by anyone. "Love. Funny. That's not love, that's an abomination." I say, sitting down and kicking my feet up on the table. "You know, kid, I don't think you know what love is." Moxxie continues the conversation instead of dropping the subject because he always has to be right. "You know, I always got this happy feeling dissecting roaches around the house because my dad couldn't be bothered to get up off his ass and clean. I think that was love." I say, before once again turning to my phone. "Nah, love isn't just a happy feeling. Love is caring for somebody. Love is sticking by their side no matter what. Through the bad times and the good." Millie says that while staring directly into Moxxie's eyes, and I can hear the models all around Hell rushing to the toilets. "If you're trying to tell me that whatever the fuck you two do that I'm forced to witness is love, then I'd rather be a cold-hearted bastard." I say. "Well, you're almost there, kid." Moxxie retorts. "Watch yourself, old man." I say, inciting a shrug from Moxxie. As I turn back to my phone, Moxxie and Millie continue their horrifying public display of affection. "By the way, Millie, I got us a reservation at that restaurant down the street. I know you've been wanting to try it." Moxxie says. "You did? Oh, Moxxie, that's wonderful!" Millie wraps her arms around Moxxie and nearly sends them both flying out of the chair. All I can simply do is chuckle. "Is something funny here, Ex?" Moxxie asks. "Yeah, you find something funny?" Millie repeats. "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't help but laugh, you need to schedule an appointment at an expensive restaurant, just like some therapy session with cheap ass food that'll make your stomach hurt, all just so you can get some at the end of the night." I say. "I'm not doing this to get something in return, Exin. I'm doing this because Millie is my wife and I love making her happy." Moxxie says. "Isn't that her job, though? To make you happy because no one else will?" I ask. "We make each other happy because he's my husband and I'm his wife, and we love each other. I ain't some whore, Ex." Millie says, hopping across the table and pointing a knife at my face. "Let's say for a second that I believe that. Still, why waste your money on steaks that, no matter how you cook it, always end up super fucking rare? I mean, you wanna make each other happy? There is nothing, and I mean, absolutely nothing, that a cheeseburger and a movie cannot fix." I say. "A cheeseburger and a movie? Are you a child, Exin?" Moxxie asks. "Yes, I tell you to stop calling me kid because you might expose my real identity. No, I'm not a fucking child. I'm being serious right now. A few blocks from here, there's a burger place called Kamara's. She makes great burgers that are only raw in the middle once every 8 weeks. Pair that with a kickass movie on Voxflix and the lucky girl or boy or non-binary thing will be on their knees pawing for the buttons that remove your pants. Done it so many times, and it works with anybody." I explain. "Anybody?" Millie questions. "Anybody." I say reassuringly. "Even Loona?" Moxxie asks. I shoot him a funny look because I know exactly where this conversation is about to go. "Yes, even Loona." I say. "Well, then, prove it." Moxxie challenges. "Prove what?" I play dumb so Moxxie can explain out loud what he's doing and I can record it and blackmail him with it should such a situation arise. "Go and ask Loona if she wants to eat cheeseburgers from Kamara's and watch a movie, and see if you'll get something out of it." Moxxie says. As I finish recording, I nod my head, acknowledging that I accept Moxxie's bet. "Hey, Loona?" I ask loudly, since she's on the other side of the room. No answer at first, but eventually, she responds. "Yes?" She asks. "Do you wanna grab some cheeseburgers, watch a movie, and have sex afterwards?" I ask honestly. I very rarely sugarcoat bets, I lay it out on the line. "Is there an ulterior motive?" Loona asks. "We get to make fun of Moxxie afterwards if we do it," I reply. A pause. "Okay." Loona says finally. I mime a mic drop and then walk out of the room, leaving Moxxie and Millie speechless.