Things I Think of When I'm Alone

The "Perks" of Being Skinny

I don't think there are enough numbers in the world to count the times I've been called skinny

They look at me with a smile, but it's the same words every time

"Wow you're so thin."

But it's never meant the way you'd think it is

It's never about what they say, but about how they say it

"Wow. you're so... skinny."

Quite honestly it doesn't matter who you claim to be

It doesn't matter who you desire to be like

You're not perfect.

You can't be

You're never her.

It doesn't matter who she is,

It only matters that you aren't her.

You would think it would be easy

"She has the perfect figure."

That perfect figure can't even reach triple digits on a scale,

Much less meet your expectations

You go on TikTok and there they are

Every time you scroll

Someones prettier than I am

They wish they had my body

I wish I had theirs.

There's a certain standard that the internet expects us to meet,

That all the pretty ones have met

And then there's me

I have the thigh gaps that you all want

I have the low weight that you all want

I have the small frame, and small belly, and the hourglass figure that you all want

I don't have the stretch marks or the belly rolls or the extra skin that you all don't want

But I would give anything to look like you.

You like how my body looks,

But yet you call me ugly.

Because my face doesn't match my figure.

I hate being skinny.

I hate being called skinny.

I hate the feeling of walking into a store and only finding jeans that fit you

I scan through the racks and the only size I can find is above a 3

They don't make my size.

They don't make clothes for me

There is no 5x small shirt

There is no 0000 jeans.

Because if you don't fit in the category that they want you to fit in

You will never be pretty.

If you don't have a big butt

And small waist

You will never be pretty

Doctors say my weight is fine

I just need more meat

So you see that?

That's proof.

I'm not a fucking anorexic!

Everything I have that you want I would gladly give to you

I look at girls who's thighs touch each other

And I wish that was me

I wish that I could go clothes shopping and not put it all back because it doesn't fit

I wish I could wear skinny jeans that were actually skinny

I wish that I weighed more than 95 pounds

I wish that I could hold you on my back and carry you around without you touching my ribs

How am I so opposite to what you want?

You never eat and yet you still complain about being fat

I eat more than I should and I never get up to your weight

You cover up your body because you don't like the way it looks

I'm confident enough to show mine and then I get told I'm showing too much skin

Do you know what it's like when the little girls that you teach say you look sick?

Sometimes I like how I look

And then you say something once again,

Because you couldn't keep your damn mouth shut

Stop asking if I've eaten

Stop saying I throw up to look better

Stop saying I look how you want to look

Stop saying I don't fit in my pants because I have a small butt

Stop saying I have a small chest and that all my clothes fit

Stop asking to pick me up to see how much I weigh

Stop telling me I have skinny arms, and skinny legs

Stop pointing that out and then telling me to cover up when you see I have a stomach like everyone else

Sometimes I'm so tired of being skinny

Sometimes I'm so tired of being the one they look at

I sometimes wish I had the body everyone else didn't want.