Things I Think of When I'm Alone

Anxiety.

A/N: This is absolutely one of my favorite things I've ever written. It was for a district poetry awards ceremony and I was given the honor of being able to read it in front of hundreds of people, so I truly hope some of you can relate to it and you know you're not alone🤍

When the teacher questions why you left class,

Sitting outside her door, paralyzed

Thoughts racing in ceaseless patterns

Is there a reason why your knees are trembling,

Why your hand is squeezing,

Holding on like there's no tomorrow?

Is there a reason why your sweat is pooling on your face,

Like it's the only water left on earth?

Why you're hyperventilating?

As if there isn't a plentiful, unceasing amount of oxygen.

Is there a reason your work is unfinished?

Why the paper lays blank though you've been slaving for hours?

Are you even ok?

We've heard that question way too many times

So instead we just stare

Her eyes are kind

Smile is soft

But for all those questions,

There is no logical answer

Anxiety

That's what it is

At least what i've been told

Not sure how logical it may be

Thoughts that clutch our very existence

A hold on your mind,

Unable to control the body.

You fear bothering someone

Apprehension overwhelms.

So instead you cry out in agony

Or you stay still

The times when we are the quietest is when our thoughts get the loudest

Overwhelming us like a clamoring choir

The calls of their shrill voices getting louder and louder

And yet, the world is quiet

It's likely that it eludes most normal and adequate people

But we are neither

At least we are never referred to as such

They're dissatisfied at the "weakness" that we show

You should have tried harder

You should have done it differently

Death is in your dreams.

Life.

Life is a thing of nightmares.

We may not be physically alone

Mentally there's not a soul in sight.

Knowing that there are others out there

Just like us

Gives us the temporary high of a lifetime

Back again to her blank stare

We question wether to elaborate

Or repress our words

So we wipe our tears,

Put up a smile,

Yeah, we'll be ok

That personality which we wear

Is what we want you to see

It's what we know you want us to be

That, is anxiety.