Taking All The Risk

Chapter 36

Maxine's POV

I felt cold tears start to stream down my face again. No matter how much I tried to stop, it keeps on falling.

Why do I need to feel this way?

Why do I have to suffer?

Is this the consequence of my stupidity?

Damn! Why this pain just won't go away?

I pour two fingers of whiskey into a glencairn glass and drink it straight. It slips across my tongue, a warm burn following behind.

I smiled bitterly when I saw my reflection on the glass.

Pain, regrets, sadness registered in my red face and blotchy face. My eyes is so puffy. And my smudged mascara? Gosh! I look pathetic and unattractive.

But hell I care!

None of this matters anymore.

I poured again. Ice clinked gently in the glass as I rolled it gently between my hands.

Its my fault afterall.

If only I didn't made a stupid decision.

If only, I didn't hurt Florencio.

If only, I chose her.

None of this will happen.

If only I am not a coward, maybe.

Maybe.

A great sob escaped, and I covered my face with shaking hands. Fuck this what ifs.

I  am coward.

I hurt Florencio.

I deserve this pain.

No what ifs. The damage was already done.

I deserve this pain but why? Why does my heart aches so much for her?

I should be responsible of my feelings but why does my feelings are betraying me?

"Max? Nasaan ka?", heard Florencio on the other line.

I didn't notice that I am holding my phone and calling her number.

"F-Florencio?", I uttered and my tears flowed steadily again.

"Max? U-Umiiyak ka ba? May nangyari ba? Nasaan ka?", she asked one after another.

"I'm sorry", I said not answering her questions.

"Max, ano ba! Nag-aalala ako. Nasaan ka ba?", ulit nito.

"I-I'm sorry, F-Florencio. I'm really sorry", I said while sobbing.

"Sorry saan? Nakainom ka ba? Max naman! Nasaan ka ba?", saad nito.

"I-Im sorry for everything. For hurting you. For causing you pain. For being an asshole. I'm truly sorry, Florencio", ulit ko.