IGNORANTIA (Dark Academia!Wesper AU)

zes

This will sound very rude (which I apologize for), but there is truly nothing I hate more than dinners with my father. Like, if I had to choose between having a polite dinner with him or using a rusty knife to carve open my own chest, I'd choose the knife.

I'm being dramatic, I know.

My father advised I find a carriage to take me home, but that seemed like too much of a hassle when I could simply walk there. I haven't actually been able to walk myself home in years, and it's a leisure I've slowly been learning to appreciate, especially as the weather turns cold.

I find my woolen gloves in my coat pocket and slip them on. A chilly breeze has come in from the east, bringing crimson leaves with it. The leaves fall to the pavement for a boy to sweep up later.

I imagine having a warm beverage in my hands, maybe even a walking companion to chat with. It's remarkably wonderful weather, and a great way to get all my thoughts out. It allows me time to reflect and mentally scream my head off before I have to face my father again. I think of all the good things in my life — my new freedom, the flexibility my class schedule has given me, good friends — and try to focus on those. It's a technique Dorian taught me a week ago.

And here I go back to thinking about Dorian again. He's the same boy he had been four years ago, albeit a bit taller. He's so full of life, like this big ball of energy that's threatening to combust. He doesn't believe in evil or bad omens. We witnessed a fight on school grounds a few days ago, and he managed to split it up and make the two theatre majors hug each other and apologize. He might just be a Saint reincarnated.

Which really makes me wonder why he's so invested in being my friend. To be quite honest, I haven't been trying all that hard. At Jesper's advice, I switched my English and mathematics classes for music theory and performance, a deal that the counselors easily made with me. As long as I'm not bothering them anymore, they'll practically do whatever I ask of them. It means I get to stay in the music room all day, fine-tuning my skills in hopes of auditioning for pit orchestra next spring. The theatre department is putting on some Kaelish play, and they've asked for an orchestra to play while they sing and dance. I'd be embarrassed by the outlandish concept if it didn't sound so fun.

I've been happier than ever, thanks to the university. So at least I'll have that to talk about with my father. Saying he won't use the time we have together to unnecessarily berate me.

I know I'm being hard on him when I really shouldn't be. It's just... it's hard not to be frustrated with him sometimes. But he is trying in his own strange way, right? I mean, it's not his fault he's been given such a difficult hand to play in life with raising me on his own.

(Secretly, I'd like to think that he'll be proud of me. Like maybe my mediocre success will make him change his mind. He'll see my scores in music and chemistry, and welcome me back home. We could really be a family again. Maybe I'll even try to talk to his new wife, Alys, though Ghezen knows I despise her.)

(Saints, I hate Alys. Not her fault, but I do. I really hate her.) (I hate a lot of people, don't I?)

The walk does help. I get to the van Eck House fairly cooled off, and I knock on the door. It opens immediately, and I'm greeted by the familiar face of Heathes, my father's favorite butler. He's been on the staff for as long as I can remember, though I honestly can't say any more about him. I guess he's nice? And very quiet?

Yeah, that's all I know. I suddenly feel very bad for not knowing anything else.

"Good afternoon, Heathes," I say awkwardly. "How are you?"

"Fine," he says stiffly. "And you, Master van Eck?"

"Fine," I reply.

Heathes opens the door wider and takes my coat when I step inside. Nothing's changed in the two months I've been gone. It's not like I was expecting Father to remodel it while I was at school, but still. It feels wrong somehow, like this place should have changed with me.