Unstable And Yours

Dear Diary, Entry 6

Dear Diary,

I have now realized how privileged I really am after getting away with attempted murder.The only downside was that after my mom spent literal millions to keep what I did under wraps, she kicked me out of the house. But before that, she gave me the money she had been saving up for me. However, she made it clear that I could never come to her for anything once it ran out.

So now I've been staying with Maddie and her family, but they love me so much, so everything is everything with that.

Now with Giovanni, that nigga ain't ever waking up I pray. He's in a coma indefinitely after hitting his head on the ground. According to the doctors I stabbed his ass fifteen times before I was pulled off of him. And the crazy thing is, I don't remember none of it! I really did black out. Mrs. Katherine also hates me now, she slapped the shit out of me the moment she saw my face.

Sometimes, when I really think about it, I get emotional thinking about how I have no parents. My mom is done with me, and the second person I considered a mom is done with me. I feel like I have no family.

It's been about three months since the incident, and I sometimes visit Gio in the hospital just to watch him sleep. I feel so stupid because I let a man ruin me for real. I regret ever being with him. There was a lot I could accept, but after he exposed our sex tape, there was no way I could ever look at him the same again. I don't get scared about what's going to happen when he wakes up, though; he may just kill me this time. And I feel as if people are watching me. I know he has connections, and I fear that if he really does die, then his people are really going to come for me.

Oh! I just remembered to say that I also dropped out of school. My mom paid the school, and now I have a diploma. It's crazy how you can literally do anything you want with money! I just need to learn to invest what I have so that I don't need to worry about struggling.

My thoughts are all over the place, to be honest. I'm just trying to pass the time while I wait on these results. You know, I could sit here and blame Giovanni or even my parents for my dumb decisions, but it's all my fault. Accountability is something I've been taking a lot of lately. And I-

"Finneas! I think you can check now," Maddie exclaims. I look up at Maddie, sigh, and then drop my pen and paper on the bed. Let's get this over with.

"Just know that whatever it says, I'm going to be here for you no matter what," she tells me. I just hug her before going into the bathroom.

Two pregnancy tests stood on the counter. It takes a while to realize that I haven't had my period in a while, but I assumed it was just stress. I grab them simultaneously before tilting my head.

"What does pink mean again?"