" how much to light up my star again ? and rewire all my thoughts ? "
your pov
"need you down here at studio 3. i'm totally fuckin blanking over here and i'm desperate."
"you're oh so desperate that you're willing to stoop down and call little ol me?" i reply, using my best offended tone of voice.
"oh shut the fuck up miss humble n motherfuckin honest, you know what i meant."
i laugh and set my phone down on the kitchen counter. i pull out my rolling tray and the rest of my dub i had in my stash. "yeah i'll come down there. just gimme like an hour or two, i'm doin sumn."
"okay well can you make it like an hour. my feature is coming in later today and i really wanna have most of the shit down. i'll have a surprise for you if you make it fast. a little treat."
i was gonna roll up but i guess i'll just use my bong to save time. "a treat? amala, are you gonna show me your ass cheeks when i get there?"
"sure that too- just hurry please."
"okay i'll just shower real quick then i'm on my way."
"okay. drive safe, love you."
"love you too."
i make good on my promise and start my shower, having one bowl as the shower warms up.
i've been trying my best not to smoke anything at all, but this helps keep me off the serious shit. it's hard not to feel guilty about it though, i mean it's technically still a drug. but i'd rather fiend for a joint than...anything else.
i try not to feel shame or disgust but the thought of relapsing back into my old ways occupies my state of mind more than i'd admit to. i want to do it so badly..
just...just keep it together. if abel is gonna do it, i am too
but withdrawals will fill your mind with the wildest string of thoughts. and you'll almost think you're in your right mind too. you'll really really think that you have no choice but to cave in.
health be damned, i want to drop mdma every fucking day. longevity be damned, i wanna be so high i can't think. so high i wouldn't think twice about the things i fixate over when i'm sober..
"studio 3." i flash my ID badge at the familiar receptionist. i smile at her as she types away on the computer. "how you doin today mari?"
"i'm doing amazing. i saw fucking doja cat...oh my gosh that's who you're working with today?" she gawks at the screen and then at me.
i laugh. "yes, she's a friend of mine. you see big names come in here almost everyday girl, you aren't used to it yet?"
"nah, i'm amazed every time. it's just crazy."
"aight girl, well imma head up. i just hope you don't shit yourself should beyoncé walk through that door." i walk into the elevator, back first.
"oh my god- do you think she would?!!"
i shrug, elevator doors closing. "bye mari."
