dreamer//h.s

13//golden

Harry Styles
July 7th, 2018
Seattle, Washington

It has only been not even 4 days without Ila on tour and it has been hell. Don't get me wrong I love everyone on my team but, Ila makes everything better. She might not know it but she does and she is everything to me. The only other person, besides my family, that I am open to is Mitch. I never thought how close someone could get to another person until I got in the industry. With the band, we had to get to know each other quickly so that we could be an actual band. Now obviously it took some time for everyone to get along and know each other pretty well but we became brothers and I love them so much.

When I started looking for people to be in my band for my solo career, I found Mitch, Who is honestly one of the greatest people on the entire planet. He is insanely introverted but believe it or not once he is out of his shell he never shuts up. Mitch is also insane on the guitar but I don't have to try to persuade anyone on that.

Now, Ila. She came into my life and flipped it upside down. Her smile lit up the green room the first day and changed everything. I never had the intention to have feelings for her but I do and honestly I am not mad. She's amazing in every way imaginable. She also fascinates me because of how quickly she opened up to me. Ila told me it was because of how comfortable she was with me and I feel the same.

Though it took months of her opening herself up to me and also her getting frustrated, I opened up to her. Quick in my opinion too. It took me about a year of knowing Mitch until I fully opened up to him.

Ila James is the light at the end of the tunnel, she is the sun, she's golden. She is that colour of yellow that instantly makes you happy. Her smile is so contagious it's insane. I am so whipped for this girl.

We had gotten into Seattle late last night and because of how Ila has been recently I didn't want to bother her so I texted her letting her know that I will call her when I got up to check in on her. Knowing that I won't really get any answer to the question but I just need her to hear my voice and know that I am not going anywhere.

Something happened a couple of days ago and I don't know what. She was so excited to see her friend from high school who she hasn't seen since. Which is confusing because she told me that her friend's name is Alexis but, paps were of course there. There's tons of photos of her sitting at a table with a guy and also kissing said guy while waiting for the car. Ila would have told me if there was someone in her life. She wouldn't be able to keep it from me since she cant lie to save her life. It would also break my heart if she does have a boyfriend.

That night I was out with the band and when I got back to my hotel room I had a voicemail from her. She did not sound okay, she was sobbing and screaming and saying over and over that she needed me. Hearing this made me worried, I wanted to cancel the Vancouver show so that I could get to her. She is alone in LA, a city she is new too, and I am not there to protect her from her demons from the past.

When I talked to her yesterday she was depressed but wanted me to know that she was okay and that she is with me in spirit and in my dreams. I didn't want to press the issue of what happened and also question the mystery man.

This morning I just wanted to stay in bed because I feel like there is somewhere else more important to be but I know that is crazy and I know that the tour is almost over. I am a day closer to seeing her, only 5 more days. I decided to go down to the cafe that is next door to the hotel and grab a coffee to start my morning off. I have gotten into the habit of always having someone with me that it is weird walking in a cafe by myself or only getting myself a coffee.

While I was waiting for my order I sent a text to Mitch letting him know that I am up.

To: father mitch
Do you want to meet me back at my room? I think I have a solid idea for a song. Bring Sarah.