dreamer//h.s

31//do you remember?

have fun 

Ila James
September 25, 2021
Chicago, Illinois

Chicago, my favorite city. The place that I would always come to when I needed that escape from reality. The last time I was here longer than 4 hours was 2018. Live on Tour 2018 was the last time that I was able to find a sense of comfort in this place.

I tried coming when I was back in Ohio. My mom and dad wanted to take a small weekend trip and they invited River so that I would have company. When we landed in Chicago, I had a panic attack in the middle of the baggage claim. So I immediately went and bought a ticket straight back to Ohio. I didn't think that out of everything, my mind would even take my comfort place.

But alas it did, and here we are, back in Chicago. This time we get a few more days here since H is playing 2 shows and apparently he has something planned for us tomorrow.

Today is the 25th, which is the second Chicago show, yesterday was the first. Honestly I don't know how he is going to top last nights concert because that was a fucking concert. Before that, I didn't think he would be able to top his show in 2018. But, wow, I was proved wrong.

Tour has been amazing so far. Harry definitely made sure to come out with a bang, since taking a year and a half off. I know that he still feels awful about doing that to his fans but, I feel like his fans are more happy to see him happy and taking care of himself.

I told him the other night that for someone who advocated for mental health, did an awful job at taking care of theirs. Which is true, and he knows that and admits it. He wanted to be there for everyone and help them and put himself on the backburner and finally he's not. If he tries to, I will probably punch him, because for all his progress, he would be stupid for backtracking.

I know it says a lot coming from me, but I am doing so well now. Obviously I have something to distract me from what happened just a month ago. So eventually, I will have to rebuild all my progress I made before even going back to LA in the first place.

When I first met Harry, I thought that I was okay. I thought that I had my mental health taken care of but, after Harry left, I realized that I wasn't. Crazy how you think you are happy with everything until your life falls apart. When you see that you only repaired yourself with tape and at any moment you could break again. That was me, and that was Harry. Finally, we are two mended individuals that can finally try this again.

"Munchkin!" I hear Mitch yell for me. I am in the greenroom playing with my nephew, "oh and my little munchkin! Oh this is great, let me get a picture." I shake my head and laugh, causing the baby to giggle. I want one now. Mitch pulls out his phone and snapped a quick picture, "got it," I stand up and give him a hug. "What's up Mitch? I literally saw you like an hour ago when you gave me your child." Mitch picks up his son, "well exactly, I gave you the job of watching him for soundcheck. You are now free to rub noses with H now." I slap his arm, "that only happened once!" His son is laughing at his dad in pain, "actually it was twice." I glare at Mitch, "I am going to walk out now," Mitch says laughing and walks out of the room. As he does Harry is walking in, "someone is in a pissy mood" I roll my eyes as Harry shares a laugh with him.

"What's that for Ila James?" I sigh, "he just wanted to joke about us again and it just frustrated me." Harry hums and sits down on the couch, "well don't let him ruin your night Ila. I have a surprise for you during the show." Is he going to sing If I Could Fly? I sit down next to him and rest my head on his shoulder, "do I get to know?" Harry wraps his arm around my shoulders, "nope," kissing my head after.

------------

"It's showtime H!" Jeff yells out, I grab my equipment bag and peck his lips. "Have a good show baby!" Smiling before running out of the greenroom heading to my first location. I try to get photos of him rising up onto the stage. It's difficult sometimes because of his fans. Either they want to talk to me about Harry, or tell me what they think of me. Jokes on the ones who hate me, I don't give a shit what they think of me.