I miss you. I miss us. Every day, every hour, every minute. When I close my eyes all our moments - romantic or casual, funny or serious, loud or quiet, happy or troubled, asleep or awake - pop up. Like a slide show I can see us in every place that we've been to. I can still feel your arms around me and hear your voice. I wince as if a light cold breeze tickles my skin when I think of us. The feeling of missing you by my side, and being by your side, comes crawling out of dark corners when I feel safe and don't expect it; it grabs my heart tight until all that is left is a stinging feeling like needles that pinch my whole body and soul.
Thoughts circling and spinning like a merry-go-round, I open my eyes again to get back to reality. It was all an illusion. Nothing was real, was it? What do you say? You made all up. Did you feel it as being real?
I see you in many things that surround me. My Converse. My earrings of which I gave you one as lucky charm for your first ice hockey game. The songs "St. Elmo's fire" and "Here I go again". That one special shirt you said I look cute in. The fruit salad I eat cause you loved it too. My photos of New York. Number 22 - our number. My new appartment that you wanted to visit me at. My watch that I stopped at a certain clock time. It's astonishing how a person affects someone's daily life and things keep the soul of them captured in them. Will that ever leave?
But you're a phantom. A ghost haunting me in every step I take and every breath that fills my lungs. What once felt like the breath of life turned into a rush of ice cold black water filling my body. You broke me. Like a figurine made of thin glass crashing onto a stone floor. Your f*ucking lies.
