when they call my name | ✔ [𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 𝑬𝑫𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮]

chapter nineteen

alexandria black

 I have a habit of doing things on my own. I always have.

Eddie used to get so frustrated when I refused help - whether it was struggling through homework, lifting heavy boxes at the bar, or figuring out how to survive on my own. I never asked for guidance, never let anyone in far enough to carry the weight with me.

I've never trusted anyone that much. Eddie, sure. But even then, it's not the same. I've never trusted someone with my life.

So, imagine the fear, the absolute terror, when I wake up next to Christian.

He's the quietest I've ever seen him. His black hair falls over one eye, his breathing slow, his lips still swollen from the night before. Tattoos cover his chest, inked stories stretching over every inch of muscle and skin, beautifully marking him like a masterpiece touched by fire.

And then it hits me - I lost my virginity last night.

To him.

My stomach twists. My pulse quickens.

Break his heart.

That's what Antares told me. That's what I promised to do. And I tried - I really did. Last night, I looked him straight in the eye and told him I wanted to be home with Landon instead of him. It was a lie only meant to cut him.

It worked, clearly.

I saw the rage in his eyes, the fire behind them, the way he gritted his teeth so hard I thought he might break them. He was desperate to unleash it, to punish me for pushing him away.

I just didn't think he'd actually do something about it.

I pull the sheets away and sit up, every muscle in my body aching. My skin is sore, my thighs feel raw, and my throat - God, my throat is dry like I swallowed smoke.

I should shower. I need to figure out my next move.

What happens now? Do we pretend last night didn't happen? Do we date? I've never done this before. I don't know what the right thing is.

It didn't feel like a mistake.

"You wanted the devil to worship you?"

That's what Christian whispered against my skin while he was inside me, his fingers tangled in my hair, pulling so hard I could barely breathe.

It that was the worship he was talking about, then I'll gladly fall to my knees and let him. I'd even consider worshipping him.

Is this what falling in love looks like?

I move to stand, but the moment my feet touch the floor, my blood runs cold. The ache in my limbs turns into something worse, something unnatural. My lungs burn, and my mouth tastes like gasoline - like something inside me is rotting from the inside out.

I take a step toward the bedroom door, but it feels like I'm walking through quicksand, my limbs heavy and wrong.

The pain spreads fast. My chest tightens. A searing, unbearable heat rips through my body, starting from my throat and spreading like wildfire through my veins. I can't breathe. My vision tunnels, black spots creeping in. My lungs refuse to take in air.

I stagger, reaching out for the wall but I don't make it.

The floor collapses beneath me, and I hit the ground hard, my right arm twisting underneath my body. A sharp, blinding pain explodes in my skull, and for a second, I think I might vomit from the intensity of it.