i would never fall in love (unless it's you i fall into)

i would never fall in love again

Robin's heart drops. And it shatters into a million pieces.

"Oh, okay." She feels like she's about to sob. "Um, can we still be friends?" She asks anxiously. Vickie nods, which eases her a bit. "This... won't make things awkward between us, will it?"

"Honestly, I don't know," Vickie looks away from Robin, back to the grass.

Robin frowns. "Well I, um, should get going." She gets up. Vickie looks up at her. "I'll.. call you later?" She shifts around again. Robin stares at her for a second, before replying with a quiet "sure."

-

As soon as she gets into her room, Robin drops to her knees, and starts to sob.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why would you tell her?

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

You don't deserve anything, you don't deserve her. Idiot, you fucking idiot. She's probably disgusted of you, now. You're lucky she was supportive when you came out. But now she probably hates you, and she's just being nice.

Fucking idiot.

Robin sobbed, and sobbed. Her head started to hurt. She wishes she hadn't confessed. She liked Vickie. She loved Vickie. And now, she's probably ruined their friendship. She feels so, so stupid.

Goddamnit, Robin.

She gets up, stumbling, and goes to call Steve. She always does that first whenever something goes wrong. Her knees feel weak, and she can't straight. Okay, she can never stand straight, but that's besides the point. Anyways, she picks up the telephone, punches Steves number in, and anxiously waits. It feels like its been 3 hours, but it's only been 3 minutes.

"Hello?" Steve's voice came on the phone. "You've reached the Harrington house, who is this?" Robin slumped against the wall. "Steve," she stuttered out, sniffling. Steve immediately knew something was wrong, that she was upset, even if he couldn't see her, even if he couldn't hear her well due to the quality of the output coming from the telephone. "Robin? Hey, what's wrong?"

"You were," she breathed in. "You um, were, wrong." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Wrong?" Steve said, confused, before realizing. "I... oh, shit," he frowned. "I'm so sorry, Robin." Robin laughed ruefully, "it's fine, I should've... seen this coming," she sighed, sadly smiling. "Do you want me to come over?"

"It's fine, Steve," she said, while on the verge of just falling to her knees and sobbing and sobbing until she feels like she's about to pass out, again. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me too much." Her voice cracked. "Robin, I'm going to worry, and I'm coming over. Okay?"

"You really don't have to, Steve," she frowned. She felt like she would just waste his time and annoy him with her problems. She feels like she's doing that right now, actually. "Yeah, well, maybe I don't have to, but I want to. I care about you, Robin." Robin smiled at that. Atleast she had someone. Someone who sees her. Someone who loves her for who she is. "Alright then."

"I'll be over in 20, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

And so she hung up the phone, and started waiting. She tapped her foot on the floor repeatedly and twiddled her thumbs a bit. She doesn't know why she's so nervous. It's just Steve. She knows she's safe with him. Maybe she's just anxious that she'll do something wrong and she'll fuck up another friendship again, in the same day too.

She tried to find something to do while she waited. Maybe she could eat something. She walked over to the kitchen, looking for something, like bread. She's gotten hungry from all the sobbing. As she looks for the bread, she thinks to herself. How did she get here? What the fuck did she do to deserve this bullshit? Is this reversible? Is there anything she could do about it? Probably not. It's sad.

She continues thinking, distracted from the task at hand. She doesn't even realize that 20 minutes have already passed. She's drowning in her thoughts, completely unaware of her surroundings. It's like she's in some sort of void, surrounded by white silhouettes murmuring all her negative thoughts, bringing back all her repressed memories.

She jumped, startled by rhythmic knocking.

Shit, it's Steve.

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

It repeated for a few times.

Robin laughed. "Yeah, yeah-! I'm coming!" She said in mock annoyance, and ran up to the door, unlocking and opening it. She smiled at Steve, and he gave her a big grin. "Robin! Hey!" He exclaimed, hugging her. Robin hugged back, and then Steve pulled away. He looked at her up and down.

Robin raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Nothing, you just look like a mess," he smiled fondly at her. "Steve, I am in the process of recovering from rejection," Robin frowned at him. "I didn't mean it in a bad way-!"

"Yeah, yeah. Just get inside," she practically dragged Steve inside, and to her living room. "So, um, do you have anything you wanna do, or.." she looked at him. Steve sat on an armchair. "We could maybe watch a movie, or you could just rant to me about stuff, if you want? Maybe even both," he shrugged.

Robin thought for a second. She wasn't too used to this, honestly. Being paid attention to. Being given love and affection, and actually being taken care of. It was a nice feeling. She barely ever feels it, but with Steve, her problems, and how he deals with them, she probably will be feeling it a lot more. She'll get used to it eventually. Her parents never paid attention to her. It's not that they were abusive or mean or anything, they just didn't really bother to do anything about her. They let her do anything they want. Maybe this was a dream to some people, and for Robin, maybe it was for a while, but at some point... she just wanted someone to just.. notice her. Just acknowledge her. She just wants to feel seen, to feel loved, even. And now she finally has someone.

She has Steve now.

And god damn, he's the bestest friend Robin could ever ask for.

-
February 11, 1986
Tuesday, 10:27 PM

Steve left Robin's house already.

Robin's parents are out. She's alone, just sitting there. And she starts to think. Surprisingly, not negatively.

Hm, wait. Correction. Mostly not negatively.

She thinks of Barbara. It's bittersweet. She thinks about their friendship.  Thinks about all the happy memories that they made. They have stuck to Robin for the longest time. Especially after Barb died.

She didn't think she had actually died at first, when she was declared missing. She believed that Barb had simply ran away. Ran away far from Hawkins. To a better place. She wishes she had still believed that. She wishes the truth, the actual truth— not the whole thing about the Hawkins Labs chemicals or whatever bullshit, hadn't been revealed to her. Even if it hadn't, that... wouldn't be much better. An ugly lie, and an ugly truth.

She doesn't know what to think about everything that happened to her, everything that's happening to her.

Maybe she knows, but not really.

-

February 13, 1986
Thursday, 6:26 PM

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

Robin doesn't have a valentine. She thinks it's pointless. Or atleast she wants to think she thinks it is. Does that make sense? Maybe, maybe not.

Anyways.

Robin doesn't really know what to do with her life anymore. She never has, she never did. It's just been school, work, eat, cry, sleep. Whichever comes first.

But then she somehow, some way, befriends Nancy Wheeler.

She doesn't know how it happened. She really doesn't.

Well, she has a vague idea. It was Steve's doing, honestly.

It replays in her head...

-

word count: 1287 words
a/n: next chapter will continue from last scene- as the replay in robins head.