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Charles' pov

I sat waiting for the ringing phone to be picked up by one and only true crusty love, Camilla. As soon as I heard her musty dusty voice say hello down the phone line, I told her

"I want to feel my way along you, all over you, up and down you, and in and out"

"Oh Charles! That's just what I need at the moment"

"I need you, several times a week"

"Mmmmmmmm, so do I. I need you all the week. All the time"

"I'll just live inside your trousers, or something. It would be much easier!"

"I'll turn you into a pair of my knickers"

"Or God forbid, a Tampax! Chuck me down the lavatory"

"Oh darling, I just want you now"

I quickly bid farewell to my dusty, musty, crusty Camilla, hearing my awful wife's footsteps coming towards the room.

"I'm going to bed" I muttered to her, racing past her to the bedroom to have special time over my beloved crusty mistress, before falling peacefully asleep.

Author's Note

Everything in italics is an actual leaked phone sex conversation of King Charles III and Miss Crusty. So don't hate me, hate whoever leaked it to the press in 1993.

And trust me, you hated reading this as much as I hated writing it <3

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