See Them Dead

Inner Demons

              Alone and Lost. I sat in the dark. Seeing the moon getting covered by the black skies without getting a glimpse of the stars.

I need to take a grip. But I can't control myself anymore.

Help

Somebody. I just need somebody to care.

It has been awhile now, since I last dirtied myself. Shameful b_tch.

I closed my eyes as it started to well up tears. Damn the world.

Where are you now? Where is everyone now?

"I won't go, I promise".

"I'll be here, don't worry".

"You know I'm going to stay right?".

Where are you now? You promised right? I actually believed in your lies. How stupid of me to think there will still be someone who's going to care.

I just need one person to tell me to hold on. I don't need your promises, I need you.

It's funny how everything turned upside down. What happened to me? It isn't what it's supposed to be.

"You're stronger than that. Just don't let them in".

"They'd stop. It's okay".

"Everything's going to be fine".

It was something so easy to say, but inner demons just won't go away. I badly need help. I need it.

The rope was inviting. The blade was alluring. The open window made it more comfortable.

Everything else just made it more easier to die.

I tried to find solace in this world but ended up hurting myself instead. I just needed someone to hold on to.

I tried to clear my thoughts. You are getting better, it's okay.

It'll stop. Don't worry.

But why does my inner demons still get the best of me. Why do they always win on my battles.

I am trying my hardest to fight. I badly needed to win. I have to win.

I crawled on the floor towards the window. Trying my hardest to be alive. My wrists are bleeding and whole world wants to rest.

I held onto the window pane to support myself.

"Help me, hear my prayer. Take the pain, take the fear". I cried while feeling my blood flowing from my wrist down to the floor.

I held my chest to feel my wounded heart. I tried so hard to fight for it, why isn't it still enough?

"Pathetic" "Attention seeker" "Crazy" "Weirdo" "Over reacting" "Negative thinker" "Stupid"

Everything's just rewinding and it keeps on reminding me of my reasons to die.

Again, I look above and plead. "Make it stop, please". Let me live, please.

I badly wanted to live. The world is cruel, I've been living with it. But why is this pain just so excruciating, uncontrollable.

My visions became more blur and I can feel the dizziness in me. But I'm still trying to stay conscious.

I kneeled and lean on the wall below the window pane and cried. That's all that I can ever do, cry and be weak.

I cried as if my life depends on it. I can't just let my demons win but why is it that surrendering is the only thing that I could do.

"No, please. You have to stay alive". I cried. My silent screams became whispers. I can no longer hold it anymore.

Help me. Please.

It's funny how I've been pleading for everything in my life. No one, had been there to stay. They say it won't be hard but they can never see the battles in my heart.

And as result of that tormenting fate, pieces of my once whole heart were the only once that was left of me everyday.

I'm tired and I needed to rest, my hopes were already slipping away same as my life at hand.

The bleeding continued as visions of horror came flashing through my mind. My memories of everything keeps coming back.

I deserve to die. I don't belong in this world. I've been pleading for mercy but demons were just the once who stayed. How ironic.

I'm all alone and my demons showed up on their own. Their fire is burning brightly as they tried to get me.

And this time, I can no longer fight them anymore.

[END]