Between the lost stars

Chapter 36

Annie

I knew I was in my daily nightmares. I knew I was somewhere deep in my darkest depths and I couldn't find a way out. Can't run away from who I am, of what I have to become . I can't come to terms with the fact that soon I will be strong, that soon I will have to fight the darkness that lives inside me. I couldn't accept that Pete had caused me this pain, that he had taken away the last spark that kept me going. He's the reason I couldn't save my mother. His lies had made the black hole in me infinite.

However, the dark depths churned too strongly and pulled me deeper and deeper until my breath hitched in my chest too fast, too hard. Heart beat at frightening rhythm in my chest, it wanted me to run and never look back. My body took its own way, taking steps deeper in the hallway, where on the walls hung photos of my mother and father, my childhood. The smiles that shone wide all over their faces and the love that flowed from them. My heart clenched in unbearable pain. I remembered every damn moment of happiness in those pictures, the simple life that was taken from me, my smile and joy that I may never feel again. I continued to walk forward, footsteps echoing quietly, not allowing my thoughts to dwell on the happiness of my parents, on that undying love that I will never feel, never be able to feel again.

The iron door in front of me shone and the black shadows grew wider. I stifled the screaming thoughts, the screaming mind that wanted me to turn around and go back, to run away, to run, to crawl if I had to.  But I had to know what was behind that door, I had to see. Maybe there are answers behind this door, maybe here I can find an explanation for everything. Maybe this is where I'll get my magic. 

I grabbed the handle and pulled, so hard I could hear the hinges creaking as I pulled. The door gave way, opening so fast it nearly knocked me off my feet. Cold air rushed into the hallway and a shock went through my body. I covered my mouth with both hands.

His skin was rotten, I could smell him. I could feel his rotting body that had been sitting for weeks, mud and dried blood in his gray hair. Dad's cold face and eyes that saw nothing, looked at me with pain. Breath caught in my throat and I couldn't take another. His claws dug into the floor and he tried to drag his body to me. I couldn't take a step towards him, couldn't help him, couldn't comfort him, couldn't say a word to him.

His mouth moved and his body writhed in pain. Dark shadows held his legs and prevented him from coming to me. His nails left marks on the wooden floor but his mouth moved in silent prayer. I wanted to scream, I wanted to end him, just to stop his suffering. I wanted to take his hand and go with him. But I couldn't take a single step closer to him. I couldn't reach him or say a word. I can't tell him how sorry I am that I didn't find my mother that night, how much I regret not telling him that I love him or hugging him more tightly.

His sightless eyes stared straight into my soul. "Dad!" I tried to cross the threshold, tried to grab his hand. But I couldn't move as an invisible wall trapped him in the empty room. Black shadows brought a box behind him. "Dad!" I tried to cross the threshold again. But I can't. The shadows grabbed him by the leg and began to tear his limbs from his body."No! Dad! No!"' My tears were painful, they scratched my skin and soul. The shadows broke my father but his eyes continued to look at me. His lips pleaded but I couldn't hear a word. White claws flashed and then my  father's head separated from his body.

But some invisible force pulled me back, slammed the black iron door and ushered me away. My mother's screams filled the dark corridor and my tears fell like raindrops, the pain increased the black abyss I was falling into and I couldn't stop it. Mother screamed louder and louder and louder until all I could hear was my own screams.  

I screamed so hard that I felt like I was shaking, I felt like my soul was being torn in half, I felt like stars were falling from the sky. I promised that I would not run away from my dreams, that I would fight. But the shadows dragged me deeper into the darkness, deeper into my pain that I couldn't carry, that I couldn't bear. 

Shadows threw me through another door. I tried to hold my legs, tried to hold myself to ease my shaking body. And then I smelled smoke. My eyes snapped open and before my eyes were blue flames, burning with power and destruction. "Annie! Annie!" My mother's voice found me again. I slowly stood up and turned towards the voice. My mother's body was charred, only thin strips of her dress remained, her hair was burnt and her eyes shone with fear. Her body started burning in blue flames again and her screams found me. I could not look, but someone held me to see her torment, someone forced me to see. Her skin burned red, she tried to grab my hand, but I couldn't help her, I couldn't comfort her, I couldn't extinguish the deadly flames.

"Mother!" I screamed, tears burning my skin. Black shadows wrap around my face, avoiding me from uttering a word. They made me watch my mother burn. Her screams died down and her body fell lifeless. But the shadows did not let me go, they held me so tightly that I could not breathe, could not continue to live.

"Annie! We can give you what you want so badly!" They whispered in low, disgusting voices. "We'll bring them back to you if you come to us!"

My parents are dead. My life is over, they can't be brought back. "You can torment me, you can give me these nightmares every night." I whispered helplessly. "But I will never bow to you!"

"You foolish girl." The shadows laughed. "You are so pitifully weak! Only we can make you strong and invincible." I covered my ears with my hands, trying to drown out their whispers. Their laughter grew, no matter how much I screamed, no matter how I thrashed to get away, I couldn't. They did not stop, their shadows touched my body, my face, my mind. Darkness was everywhere. "You're weak, Annie." They started whispering again. "You always have been, and you know it." They touched my hair and fear ran over me. "You won't become powerful, you can't do it without us. You are part of us."

What the hell should I do? How do I stop thinking? How do I wake up from this nightmare?

"Annie." The shadows whispered louder and louder. "Come to us. You know that you will always come back to us."  No. No. No. I don't want to live this life, I don't want to be afraid all the time, to live in the dark. I don't want to feel this void, this black hole that sucks me dry. I saw my father's face, those eyes. I felt my mother's burnt body, felt her pain and screams. I will not give in to the darkness. No matter how tempting, no matter how much they promise, darkness is unable to keep promises, it is unable to love and live, it is unable to enjoy life. It only knows how to destroy. 

"NO!"My screams tore through the dark bonds around my body.

Then everything was gone. My torn body was shaking, I felt pain tearing me apart inside. But I will not bow to the darkness. I will not be weak. No more! Never again.