A young lioness

Home visits

Maeva's point of view:

It was now the following morning after my chat with Sarina. She spoke to me about the incident with the media and asked me what I needed from her and the rest of the coaching staff, which I appreciated. But she also told me that until I got my anxiety under a bit more control I wasn't allowed to play, only train. This was the bit that sucked, all of these years and seasons filled with so much hard work to be pushed on the back burner just because of my anxious brain. I understood why but it still stung a little. As the next two days were filled with match day prep, I was granted leave on mental health grounds to go back home to try and reset.

Unfortunately but also fortunately, I had packed my stuff and left camp before the girls came back up to their rooms- this meant I avoided the questions but also left them in the dark a bit about where I was. I decided to text Leah and ask her to explain to the girls where I was, I figured she wouldn't mind as she did have a say in me returning home for a few days.

"Hi, sorry I didn't say goodbye- was a bit of a rush leaving. Would you mind telling the girls where I am? Just don't want them to think I'm an utter freak. Thanks and good luck for Norway match, I'll be watching! Maeva x"

I thought this was an appropriate message, something that wasn't too formal but also kept my walls up, after all, the last time I saw her I was literally hyperventilating. Luckily for me, I wasn't kept waiting for too long as her response came quick- Beth always did say she was a quick replier.

"Maeva, we would never think you were a freak, in fact I think we've all come to be a bit protective over you now;) Will of course tell the girls, looking forward to getting you back. Hope you are doing better, Leah xx"

Her response made me happy, she's become a massive mother figure for me and for her to be so lovely really does make this easier. I just hope the girls will take it the same way, but I guess for now it's just about getting my mind back to being healthy and not so destructive to me and football.

Leah's point of view:

I called a meeting with the girls to try and explain Maeva's situation, it helped a lot that she asked me to tell everyone where she was- it didn't feel as though I was invading her privacy this way. As everyone piled in, I think Keira could tell I was a bit unsure as she gave me a thumbs up which caused a chuckle. I watched the rest of them grab a seat and then cleared my throat.

"Right so, this is just a quick one to try and explain a few things before we get started with match prep". "Just to let everyone know firstly, that Maeva has returned home on mental health grounds". I watched a few girls sigh and smiles disappeared, which made me happy as it proved that she really was a big part of this team without feeling like it.

"Don't worry, it's nothing serious- She has just been ruled out of the Norway game to try and get herself fighting fit mentally and so she will return back to camp after that match"

"With Maeva out of the way, maybe we could try and learn some things that are useful for when she has an anxiety attack?" Rachel piped up. Following this, there were a lot of agreement mutters and nodding.

"Yeah definitely I think that's a great idea, I reckon we could also re-evaluate some of the activities we do to make them more inclusive, I feel like we all forget she's only 17!" I added, I felt like since maeva had got here, we have all forgotten how young she is because she acts so mature. This also got some smiles, which left me feeling warm inside- it felt good to be the captain of such an accepting bunch. We left it at that and went out on the pitch for some drill work.

Maeva's point of view:

I was guessing that Leah had told the girls by now as I had received lots of lovely texts and messages.

"Hey maeva, hope you're doing okay! Can't wait to have you back with us x" - This is a cute one I received from Beth which was nice. Rachel and Millie sent me a joint one which made me laugh a lot. "Hey kiddo, rest up and get back with us soon. Hope you don't miss us too much, love rdog and mdog ;)". It felt nice to be thought of by the girls, made me even more focused to get my head back in check so I could go back training and hopefully playing if everything permits.

My mum decided to get me a sports therapist, which I guess was necessary, although it did mean sharing my worries which I wasn't too keen on. Luckily for me, the therapist was linked with the psychologist at camp and they both fed back to Sarina- which saved me doing triple the talking. Right now, I was working on calming techniques for when my anxiety is at its max, it was going well but I didn't feel like it was helping anything yet. I was just so desperate to get back to camp and this process felt so long but considering I wasn't allowed to play until I got myself under control, I felt like persevering with this was the best option.

It felt so long since I'd been at camp, in reality it had only been two days- as today was match day, but I longed to be back with the girls now. I sat down with mum, after finishing up therapy and doing some cardio, to watch the match against Norway. The girls made it look so easy and by half time we were cruising, it really did make me jealous. The second half went by quick, with us capitalising on some mistakes from the Norway players, leaving it 6-0 to us at full time. I was so proud of them and their performances, I thought I better leave a message on the group chat.

England gals 🤝❤️‍🔥

Me: Smashed it girls, well played x
Tooney: Thanks mae mae, excited to get u back tomorrow xxx
Georgia: Ayeee thanks maevs, ready for your comeback ;)
Hempo: Thank you maeva, no 1 fan over there:):) x
Leah: Your win as well maeva, win as a team and lose as a team! Ready for the next one with you x

The nicknames I have acquired made me laugh but I wasn't complaining, I felt the same as them and was so desperate to get back. Mentally, I felt better but I already felt anxious about returning and the games coming up- I knew I needed to get a hold of my anxiety but I think this was going to prove much tougher than I thought.